This Is What I Believe

Written 11-11-2010 @ 8:31 pm

A battle rages inside
The pressure to conform
I don't know anymore what's right
I only know how to follow

And now it's getting stronger
This screaming burning desire
I can't wait much longer
Should I even I try to fight?

I feel like I'm finding me
Would you leave me for that?
Who I'm truly supposed to be
Do you really think that's bad?

I won't sacrifice my standards
Is that enough for you?
I only know when I look upwards
And I think about what I want to do

All my life I've lived in shadows
Always wanting to be something more
But this frame of mind I've shattered
And I'm looking for an open door

There must be a place for me
Waiting far away
A place where I'm supposed to be
Someday I'll find that place

For now I'm reaching out
Wondering if this is right
When I see, I have no doubt
I don't want to regret in my life

All arrows point to this
It's always showing up
It could be worth the risk
Of sometimes standing out

I need to find out for myself
No one should have tell me this
I know where to cry for help
This is something I shouldn't dismiss

My future depends on me
Only I can decide
Whether life will bring me to my knees
Or if I will survive

I guess I don't need to choose now
I'm not even seventeen
I have a lot of things to figure out
This is what I believe

I think I've been crying for maybe the past half hour or so... I know it's stupid that I'm so easily moved, but I just am. I was finishing up reading this manga series, Crazy For You. I highly recommend it, though it may make you cry if you're easily moved like I am. It's a wonderful, beautiful story that has a happy ending. I hate things that don't have happy endings. Because who wants to believe in that? I don't. I want to believe in love, overcoming all for just two people. Two halves of a heart becoming a whole. I have to believe that, because someday, I'm going to meet my other half...and I'll have my happy ending, too.

Okay, I know I promised. Now here is the story of how I got the idea for my pending book, Violet and the Black Rose. So, quite a while ago, I was on yahoo looking at the updates my friend had made, and she had written the lyrics to song, talking about some cool dude named Andy Six. So I googled the lyrics and came up with this band, The Black Veil Brides. Then I tried listening to their song, Perfect Weapon, and to be honest, the screaming wasn't really my thing. But the band kind of stuck in my head. Plus Andy Six is waaaaay hot. But, several days later, I had a dream, or maybe it was a daydream, I can't remember whether I was asleep or not, but I was thinking about what it would be like if I met him, since, I mean, he's only three years older than me and everything. So, I thought, (or dreamed), and I came to the conclusion that, like, if for some insanely amazing reason, he was attracted to me, it would probably not work since he's an atheist and I'm a Christian. So, since this is how it usually happens, I kind of started writing down what I had dreamed, like, meeting him and him liking me, and me having to refuse. So I named the main character,(me) Violet, renamed Andy Six, as Andy Smith, and I kept my friend's name who wrote the comment that led me to finding them, which, her name is Alex, (love you girl). So, i wrote that Violet and Alex were sisters,3 years apart like me and rl Alex, and i made it like a couple years in the future, cause Alex is 15 and Violet is 18. I just needed to make Violet old enough to live alone with Alex cause i didn't want to mess with parents. So, the story goes, they go to a concert, for The Black Roses (changed from The Black Veil Brides, I liked the idea of roses since that's my thing). And I wrote that they got the band name from the lead singer's nickname, i wrote that his nickname was the black rose. So i wrote that, and i came up with a whole story to go along with it. well, at least a storyline. It's still in progress. I got to a stand-still point in it, i think its because i've been writing so much poetry lately. Anyway, there you go. And, actually, later after I wrote that, that band has been still stuck in my head, so i looked it up again and downloaded their songs and I found I really liked some of them!! The only thing about them that I don't love and support is that a song or two hints at the fact that they're atheists. I think the song I like best is The Mortician's Daughter. I thought the title sounded terrible at first, but then I read online about the real meaning and I just love it now. It makes sense. Anyway, I have to do a little homework.
By the way, today it is only two months until my SEVENTEENTH birthday!!! And, I dyed my hair dark brown today! It looks almost black, but that might fade, so prob by my bday I'll dye it black/brown. But I love it right now!!!
I'll upload some new pics later!!!!!!!!!!
<3 TaBiThA
I reached over 19,000 views on my blog today!!! Thx for reading!!!!!

NEVER Forget

Written 11-2-2010 @ 10:33 pm

I'm so sick of you
All you say and what you do
You say you trust me
Then don't tell me anything
School-wide, I'm last to know
Cause you don't talk on the phone
Who do you think I'd tell?
From now on, it's "Oh, well"
I'm done asking what happened
I don't care if I'm the last one
Just know this was the last time
Don't be asking me if I'm fine
Yes, I do easily forget
But, girl, I NEVER Forget

TaBiThA

These Days

Written 11-2-2010 @ 12:08 am

Love is a beautiful idea
These days
Everybody just want someone new
Boys just seem to love the thrill of the chase
It leaves us girls not knowing what to do

Marriage is a beautiful idea
These days
No one ever seems to stay together
But I want to promise you someday
That I will always stay with you forever

Life with you is a beautiful idea
These days
It seems the day will never find its way
But I know someday I'll think back to days like today
And I'll remember when I missed you during all these days

TaBiThA
I LOVE this poem!!! I feel like it's one of the best I've written in a long time!

Rather Say Goodbye

Written 10-27-2010 @ 7:27 pm

If you're really that unstable
Guess what I don't wanna be friends
If you're really that irritable
Than this is where it ends
Don't expect help on your homework
And don't expect a smile
Don't dare ask me what to do
I'm done with your crap for a while
Understand I really don't care
Don't ask me if I'm fine
And I know you really don't care
Cause all you do is lie
You love, to talk behind people's backs
So I'd rather say goodbye

TaBiThA

My Heart's Back Burner

Written 10-8-2010 @ 11:50 pm

Who should I listen to?
My friends say stay away
But my heart feels something new
Maybe in the end my heart will break
But my feelings ring true

Maybe it'll take forever
For you to notice me
Maybe it will remain never
But I promise one thing
For now I'll keep you on my heart's back burner

I don't have to decide now
And it's my decision to make
I need to feel the feelings I've found
Until I leave this place
And only then I'll let go

TaBiThA

11-1-2010

There is so much in my mind right now, it's like I can't even comprehend it all. SO much I want to know, and so much I want to do. So much I'm not ready for. So much that is and will be changing. So much that I can't even understand myself. Cause, you know, I want to be me. And I have a hard time with asking what EVERY single one of my friends thinks about every freaking thing. Like, about this whole thing with the guy I like now, and with my hair. So, I'm done. I swear, here on this blog of mine, that I will TRY MY BEST, emphasis on TRY, to completely, totally stop, unless it is completely and totally necessary. Got it? Okay. I just wish I had someone to help hold me to that....and I wish I had someone in general, too...=/
Sorry for being a downer!
On the other hand, right now I'm pretty freakin happy.
Thanks to Black Veil Brides. :) Somehow they made my day when I discovered them, and for several afterward. I just wish I could land a guy as awesome and totally hot as Andy Six! Good luck to me on that one!

Footnote: Why in the WORLD do I ALWAYS like musicians??? SOMEONE TELL ME WHY!

LoveLoveLove, TaBiThA

Next time I write I will tell you the origin of my new book, Violet and the Black Rose! And it has to do with Andy Six, believe it or not!

More Of Me

Written 10-31-2010 @ 7:58 pm

They tell you to care about yourself
Then they tell you
You don't care about anyone else
They tell you the right thing to do
Then they don't believe in you...
They label you twisted
I feel so confused
I just want my freedom
But I don't want to lose
Myself in the process
That could be hard to do
I want to find what's right for me
I'm looking for the clues
I see things everyday
That make my heart soar
So high in the sky
And everyday now I'm finding more
More of me