I REFUSE

I refuse to believe this world is a horrible terrible place.
I refuse to believe every person in it is evil and is just playing me.
And I refuse to believe that I cannot possibly change it!

LaLaLa

Sometimes I feel like I'm the weirdest and most childish girl in the whole world.....today when my mom returned home from visiting with her friends for her birthday, she brought with her a bday balloon, which, from then til now, I've been pulling around with me. It's been tied around my waist and earlier I was skipping around my living room happily with it trailing around me. Am I truly a child? I may never know.

This is me trying to vent in some sort of poetry form....

I lay here cryin
Of course no one knows
It feels like I am dyin
Is it only me?
That's how it feels
Cause no one is here
I always mess it up
Every single time
They all promise to be there
And they all lie
Nothing is safe
In a world full of pain
What has become of the hope that I made?
I can't even bother to remember to pray
I wanna go the distance
But they push me away...
I watch with jealousy
They think I'm strange
The girl who just sits there
So stupid and strange
They would say,
Look, there she is!
Is she not stupid?
I mean, look at her hair,
She dyed it black!
And her clothes are insane
Dude, that's a fact.
Now, I don't mine it much
Not when it comes to that
I just really hate
When they tell me how to act
They think they get it
But how could they possibly?
I know it's depressing
But no one does
And I'm not sure anyone ever will...
Ever will want to see me, talk to me
Want to be with me
No one has, no one does
Yes, I'm cynical
But I speak the truth
I don't lie
(Don't ask my parents if I do)
Actually, I'm too honest
Is there such a thing?
What else do I have?
What else can I bring?
This was SUPPOSED to be different
Things were supposed to change...
But I think I know now
It was me that was wrong
I'm the problem
The only common factor
But I'm not alone
I know there are others
I know I'll get through
I know God loves me
And a few people do too
I can make it through this
I am making friends
A few see my heart
And don't look away
Because it's so broken
It might make you cry
It's so lost and confused
And it hurts for every heart
That's fallen prey to hardship
Like I have in my life
I know I'm luckier than most
Because of what I have
But I wouldn't care
As long as
I knew I was alright
And not so insane
Not such a freak
Not so mundane
I want to shine
But I'm too far back
Down in the line
An impossibility, you say?
I don't use the word
Because anything is possible
If you dare to try
I guess that means me, too
It's not like I'm giving up
I just wanted to vent
I guess stopping here is enough

Some people...Omg...

I guess SOME people turn out to be different than you thought they were....one second they're all nice and innocent....and the next minute they make you feel like there's something terribly wrong with you....when there really isn't at all! I hate people who exaggerate in that way...and say one thing, and do another. AND people who do stuff so embarrassing as to try to get me to go out with someone I'm just friends with. My love life is MY business. You don't wanna talk to me, you don't wanna hang out with me? Okay, I can take it. It just means you're not worth my time. It's so...Wrong. Am I some kind of stupid magnet for people like that? People who just want to change me, tell me what to do? Well...fine...I don't care...you so don't own me. I own my life. Me and God and no one else. And if you wanna tell me to stop doing something so STUPID as you did, that's freakin fine, but don't think I'm just gonna act all peachy keen to you when all you do is ask my brother weird things as if I'm some kind of freak AND COPY MY FREAKIN HOMEWORK! WELL, NOT ANYMORE, GIRL! CAUSE FROM NOW ON, MY HOMEWORK IS ALSO JUST my BUSINESS! And I ain't gonna act like anything's wrong. You're just gonna have to suffer while I'm silent. Cause I don't deserve your crap. No, I'm not saying I'm better than you in any freaking way. I'm just saying I'm done. You are not going to ruin my second chance. And if you do, somehow, I will freaking kill you. Oh, and one more thing, You do NOT want to be my enemy....just a warning.

Horrible

Written 8-18-2010 @ 4:21 pm

Why is it when I go someplace new
That everyone always tries to tell me what to do
Don't they understand I'm new at this school?
Why don't they get that I'm not a fool?
I don't understand they way they act
But people like them more than me, it's a fact
Am I just weird and everyone else's normal?
They don't know it, but they make me feel horrible

About To Drown

Written 8-17-2010 @ 6:35 pm

Is everybody right?
Is love really more trouble than it's worth?
Cause I want something more than that in my life
I was raised to believe love is worth the fight
Being who I am I don't know what love should be
Will it ever really be my turn?
I just wanna find that guy who's right for me
Is love harder or easier than it seems?
Cause I'm so confused right now
No one seems to know the truth
Nobody can seem to tell me how
So I'm just stuck here about to drown.

Lying

Written 8-17-2010 @ 11:43 pm

Isn't it weird when you look back on your life
And all you see is happy times
You cry, cause all you knew then was strife
And you realize your life then was fine
Even if it's better now
My attitude may change any day
Even though I don't know how
I always seem to lose my faith
I always say, not this time, not me
But it always starts the same way
Is this the way things are supposed to be?
Cause I thought love overpowered hate
Maybe I was wrong somewhere down the line
Cause I know I always end up crying
Am I really ever fine?
Cause I'm beginning to think all this time I've been lying
TaBiThA

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

So, I had a great first week at WCHS. I switched my classes on like, Tuesday, and now my 3rd is music history and my fourth is chemistry. I really like it alot more now cause i've got friends in every class.
I've made or at least started to make a whole bunch of friends this week, and it's totally awesome. And now I feel tired in like, every way. Is that even possible?? I took my first chem test the other day and made a 98 on it =). Today after we ate dinner I went over to Meagan's to say goodbye cuz she's leavin for Murray State 2morrow. Can u believe it? We wrote in each other's yearbooks and I show her who i've met at school so far in Heidi's yearbook.
And this year I think I've begun the school year with a lot better attitude. And I'm feelin really confident right now, cuz Meagan told me that Heidi told her that random guys keep coming up to her and tellin her they think I'm hot...Lol. SO that was nice to hear. I'm attractive....YAY. And my book rewrite is almost done! I gotta finish it this weekend if possible. Though idk if it will be cuz we gotta paint the bridge. I would write some more tonight, but I'm sittin here bout to fall asleep. I mean, I was happily playin the sims 2 and then my eyelids got heavy......GTG
TaBiThA

Capricorn =)

YOU are ambitious, careful, and successful

OTHER Capricorns are gloomy cheapskates that carry grudges, which is odd because goats are so lovable, right? Who doesn't like that tangy smell and those crazy goat eyes?

LIKES People that know what they're talking about, reliability, and people who like kidding around. (That's right, "kidding" is a goat joke. But I promise it's the last one.)

DISLIKES Ridicule, wasting time, and people that try to make you feel baaaaaaaad about yourself.


So me, right? I thought so.
TaBiThA

WCHS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today was my first day of school at WCHS!

When I got home, I felt really sad for two seconds because someone came back who I thought was gone forever......maybe I'll see him again soon! =)

Anywho, school was GREAT today.
Except that I got two hours and forty minutes of sleep.
And except that my bus was twenty minutes late to school.....yeah, I know. Only you, Tabitha, is what you're thinking. OK time for pros and cons of the school day, my new daily blog thing! (Lol i just decided that RIGHT now...)

Pros: I got a top locker;I like three of my teachers;I figured out which class to switch to for fourth block;the day went by quickly;everyone was so so nice to me; Tori thought my book was awesome;I have english 3 with Kelby and the other girls in there are great!!;my third block has a few cute guys in it ;) lol;I wasn't late;my locker combo is both easy to remember and easy to open, plus it's close to my friend's;I had enough time when I got to school to get my locker and class schedule;I only got told I look like a freshman ONCE;guys talked to me in chemistry=);I will probably still get to see the person who came back sometimes because my brother goes to the same school as him=);I didn't crash;I can't wait to go tomorrow;my classes seem manageable;I looked great all day as far as I know;making friends was easy so far;I'm not so shy this year;AND I didn't say anything mean to anyone!

Cons:What I found out about who came back to FHS =(;My bus being twenty minutes late;I couldn't find my locker at first/the one I found didn't work because for some reason there are TWO freaking locker number sevens???;I thought I was late to class first block(but I wasn't);I didn't know anyone in desktop pub;Multimedia design SUCKS!;I missed breakfast and my milk cuz i was late;I didn't get to decorate my locker today;I didn't get the game in chemistry at first;soon I'll have from two classes with Kelby to only one,not like it matters much, since i already am friends with him and need to make NEW friends;someone thought I hated him;there was lots of paperwork and fees;I only slept for three hours the night before;i was freaking out on the bus becuz we were lost forEVER

AND THAT'S ABOUT IT!!!

A Beginning

Have you ever met someone and felt like that meeting was a beginning? I did this year, and I really liked him, too. But he moved away....and I thought I'd never see him again. But since then, I have, twice. And it's kind of weird, cause even though now he lives pretty far away, I feel like it's not over, like his part in my life isn't over. After he moved, I saw him again at graduation, and then, randomly, I saw him at the mall on Wednesday, which is so weird, since he was on his way out of the place, and Florence is just so big, yknow? SO....I have come to the conclusion that....I don't know why but I just get the feeling that it's not over. I know I'm being redundant but who cares. Anyway, I hope it really isn't over, because something moves inside my heart every time I see him.... =)

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Soooo, today was registration at my new school, and it was awesome. I saw all my new friends, and met some new super nice and awesome people who are sure to become my friends. AND i had a breakthrough in my re-writing of Set Free! Now I'm to ch 11!!!!! YAY! AND it's AWESOME!
AND SCHOOL STARTS MONDAY! I found out my classes today. Desktop publishing, English 3, Chemistry, and Multimedia Design for this semester. I'm only not sure bout multi design cuz the teachers mean....so i might change....idk. BUT, i've got english with Shayla! YAY! And 2morrow im goin to the MALL!!!!!!!!! So, Catch yall later!

Goodness, it's finally August! And next week I start my junior year at my new school! I can't believe it's finally here and I am SO excited. Right now my writing is sky rocketing, I have like three new ideas! YAY!
I read The Truth About Forever last week and it's totally the best love story I've ever read. Yep. It's that good.
Tomorrow, I'm going to the pool TWICE, and on Tuesday, I've got to register for school, and on Wednesday, I've got a dermatologist appointment and I'm going to the mall while I'm down there, probably to Rue21! Then on Thursday I've got nothin to do, and on Friday my jeans should be here, then that day and the rest of the weekend we are gonna be painting the bridge so that will be up and ready soon after school starts, and THEN, next Monday, SCHOOL STARTS!!!! YAY!
TaBiThA<3