I used to believe I was this bright and happy go lucky person.
Lately, well, especially lately, I've come to the conclusion that I was completely and utterly wrong. In many ways, I'm an extremely dark person. Yes, I'm bright and colorful, but I'm also into black and other things considered dark. I'm not extremely outgoing unless I know enough people around me. Only then am I comfortable enough to be loud, but I'm still myself, just a little more shy and more careful of my words and actions. I guess for the most part that's a good thing. But I'm not a big fan of daytime. I prefer night, like midnight. That's my favorite time of day. I'm really not a person who listens to either happy or sad or angry music. I tend to listen to it all. I guess I'm just completely a middle person. I'm not happy all the time, but I'm not sad all the time either. I'm a realist. Instead of seeing the glass half full or half empty, I kind of see both points of view and accept that it could be both at the same time. That's a good thing right? I'm not a girly girl, but I'm not a tomboy either. In the middle once again. It's like I have the opportunity to go whichever way I want. Or just stay like this forever. I just wish I could find some people who are like me. Some real live kindred spirits. At the school I'm currently registered at but switching out of, there are two types of people. I make of the third type. In my school there are the popular, preppy, jock people, and the hillbilly, country, don't really care people. When I went to school there I kinda hung out with both since there were few others like me. In fact, I can only think of one who was like me. Like me in the way that we both got along with both groups but never really entirely fit in. At least, that was the way I felt. At the beginning, I didn't feel the need to choose, but later on I had to. Both groups had there good and bad points. The popular people, they were often nicer and less up-front, which was good and bad. I could never tell if they really liked me or not. They were also cleaner in their morals and such. The country kids had no morals, on the other hand, and were often very rude and negligent it seemed of other people's feelings. But they also seemed more capable of loving people once you earned their trust. My problem: I had friends on both sides. Side note: This grouping really only involved my particular grade, the other grades are classified differently. This is just my perspective on my own grade and doesn't include my friends who were in other grades. Except the one I feel was most likely, she was a grade above me but I considered her more of our grade because she hung out with us more and we had almost every class together. Anyway, in the end, I got sick and tired of the country kids since it seemed all they could talk about was perverted stuff I could care less about. It was putting me into one too many uncomfortable conversations. So I started hanging out with the more popular, classy kids, and I was altogether more comfortable there. This group didn't talk as much as the other, but I actually liked that. It gave me some time to actually think and stuff. It was a good choice. I just hope I can find some people who completely understand me in my new school. That would be enough for me for now, I think. Enough to make me finally content.
<3 TaBiThA