Written 6-30-2010 @ 2:30 am
A burst of passion
Takes my heart high
A hint of intuition
Of what my life should be like
A choice that I have to make
Brings swiftly forth
A chance that I have to take
That's worth living for
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Serious
Written 6-30-2010 @ 2:27 am
I will do everything everything everything
That I can do
I'll keep on believing believing believing
And I'll make my debut
I'll jump all those hurdles
Just so that i can prove
I'm so so serious
And I won't Lose
I will do everything everything everything
That I can do
I'll keep on believing believing believing
And I'll make my debut
I'll jump all those hurdles
Just so that i can prove
I'm so so serious
And I won't Lose
Defiant Wish
Written 6-29-2010 @ 10:56 pm
Fighting a losing battle
Never was a chance to win
Trying to stay optimistic
Didn't make a difference
It's like I'm staring into
A Deep, Dark hole
A defiant wish turns into
A hatred black as coal
Fighting a losing battle
Never was a chance to win
Trying to stay optimistic
Didn't make a difference
It's like I'm staring into
A Deep, Dark hole
A defiant wish turns into
A hatred black as coal
My Day
Went to the pool today! Had a totally fun time! Played basketball and went down the slide too many times. Didn't lose my contacts! Hung out with my friends. Leaped off the diving board. Might be an opening where I wanna work, so might get my first job! Oh, God, pleeeeeeeaaaaaasssseeee let this be it! =D
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Night
Written 6-24-2010 @ 2:46 am
The stars fill up the sky
A beautiful absence of light
The darkness is taking me high
This is that which we call night
Peace settles down in my soul
But they say that God only dwells in the light
Then what of this feeling of being whole?
God also dwells in the night
An amazing thing is called silence
When no one can hear people fight
Another wonderful essence
Of this beautiful thing we call night
=)
The stars fill up the sky
A beautiful absence of light
The darkness is taking me high
This is that which we call night
Peace settles down in my soul
But they say that God only dwells in the light
Then what of this feeling of being whole?
God also dwells in the night
An amazing thing is called silence
When no one can hear people fight
Another wonderful essence
Of this beautiful thing we call night
=)
Monday, June 21, 2010
Trouble In Paradise
There's been a little trouble concerning the transportation, but I decided to take the plunge and offer all my allowance towards gas money. Also, I'm selling my old AG dolls for extra gas towards it, ANd I'm still desperately trying to find a job. Phew!
Good luck to me!
<3 TaBiThA
Good luck to me!
<3 TaBiThA
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Friday, June 18, 2010
Wishful Thinking
Written 6-17-2010 @ 4:59 am
I feel like I'm in a movie....
I mean, the girl with the horribly freakish life, and then just when the girl least expects it, voila! here comes the action and romance....and pure fantasy. I wish my life was a movie. I guess in God's eyes, it kinda is. I guess I sorta understand how God feels sometimes, watching all of our billions of stories. He probably must cry all the time, too. And wishes he could give us all happy endings. Sadly, it almost never works that way. At least, that's how I see it because I've never seen or heard of it happening. But, sometimes I feel like I just know something completely insane and wonderful and amazing is going to happen in my life. I don't think I've ever admitted that to anyone in my life before. As if it was a birthday wish that wouldn't come true if told. I guess it is like that, though. Because, all of that really happening to me, of all people, is due to complete and total wishful thinking on my part.....I think.....
<3 TaBiThA
I feel like I'm in a movie....
I mean, the girl with the horribly freakish life, and then just when the girl least expects it, voila! here comes the action and romance....and pure fantasy. I wish my life was a movie. I guess in God's eyes, it kinda is. I guess I sorta understand how God feels sometimes, watching all of our billions of stories. He probably must cry all the time, too. And wishes he could give us all happy endings. Sadly, it almost never works that way. At least, that's how I see it because I've never seen or heard of it happening. But, sometimes I feel like I just know something completely insane and wonderful and amazing is going to happen in my life. I don't think I've ever admitted that to anyone in my life before. As if it was a birthday wish that wouldn't come true if told. I guess it is like that, though. Because, all of that really happening to me, of all people, is due to complete and total wishful thinking on my part.....I think.....
<3 TaBiThA
I've been feeling really hopeful lately about school. There have been some recent breakthroughs concerning my ride there, but I'm still not sure what my dad even thinks of me. My mom and I may suggest it for the first time this weekend, or maybe not. I just really hope things work out for my dream.
TaBiThA
TaBiThA
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
I used to believe I was this bright and happy go lucky person.
Lately, well, especially lately, I've come to the conclusion that I was completely and utterly wrong. In many ways, I'm an extremely dark person. Yes, I'm bright and colorful, but I'm also into black and other things considered dark. I'm not extremely outgoing unless I know enough people around me. Only then am I comfortable enough to be loud, but I'm still myself, just a little more shy and more careful of my words and actions. I guess for the most part that's a good thing. But I'm not a big fan of daytime. I prefer night, like midnight. That's my favorite time of day. I'm really not a person who listens to either happy or sad or angry music. I tend to listen to it all. I guess I'm just completely a middle person. I'm not happy all the time, but I'm not sad all the time either. I'm a realist. Instead of seeing the glass half full or half empty, I kind of see both points of view and accept that it could be both at the same time. That's a good thing right? I'm not a girly girl, but I'm not a tomboy either. In the middle once again. It's like I have the opportunity to go whichever way I want. Or just stay like this forever. I just wish I could find some people who are like me. Some real live kindred spirits. At the school I'm currently registered at but switching out of, there are two types of people. I make of the third type. In my school there are the popular, preppy, jock people, and the hillbilly, country, don't really care people. When I went to school there I kinda hung out with both since there were few others like me. In fact, I can only think of one who was like me. Like me in the way that we both got along with both groups but never really entirely fit in. At least, that was the way I felt. At the beginning, I didn't feel the need to choose, but later on I had to. Both groups had there good and bad points. The popular people, they were often nicer and less up-front, which was good and bad. I could never tell if they really liked me or not. They were also cleaner in their morals and such. The country kids had no morals, on the other hand, and were often very rude and negligent it seemed of other people's feelings. But they also seemed more capable of loving people once you earned their trust. My problem: I had friends on both sides. Side note: This grouping really only involved my particular grade, the other grades are classified differently. This is just my perspective on my own grade and doesn't include my friends who were in other grades. Except the one I feel was most likely, she was a grade above me but I considered her more of our grade because she hung out with us more and we had almost every class together. Anyway, in the end, I got sick and tired of the country kids since it seemed all they could talk about was perverted stuff I could care less about. It was putting me into one too many uncomfortable conversations. So I started hanging out with the more popular, classy kids, and I was altogether more comfortable there. This group didn't talk as much as the other, but I actually liked that. It gave me some time to actually think and stuff. It was a good choice. I just hope I can find some people who completely understand me in my new school. That would be enough for me for now, I think. Enough to make me finally content.
<3 TaBiThA
Lately, well, especially lately, I've come to the conclusion that I was completely and utterly wrong. In many ways, I'm an extremely dark person. Yes, I'm bright and colorful, but I'm also into black and other things considered dark. I'm not extremely outgoing unless I know enough people around me. Only then am I comfortable enough to be loud, but I'm still myself, just a little more shy and more careful of my words and actions. I guess for the most part that's a good thing. But I'm not a big fan of daytime. I prefer night, like midnight. That's my favorite time of day. I'm really not a person who listens to either happy or sad or angry music. I tend to listen to it all. I guess I'm just completely a middle person. I'm not happy all the time, but I'm not sad all the time either. I'm a realist. Instead of seeing the glass half full or half empty, I kind of see both points of view and accept that it could be both at the same time. That's a good thing right? I'm not a girly girl, but I'm not a tomboy either. In the middle once again. It's like I have the opportunity to go whichever way I want. Or just stay like this forever. I just wish I could find some people who are like me. Some real live kindred spirits. At the school I'm currently registered at but switching out of, there are two types of people. I make of the third type. In my school there are the popular, preppy, jock people, and the hillbilly, country, don't really care people. When I went to school there I kinda hung out with both since there were few others like me. In fact, I can only think of one who was like me. Like me in the way that we both got along with both groups but never really entirely fit in. At least, that was the way I felt. At the beginning, I didn't feel the need to choose, but later on I had to. Both groups had there good and bad points. The popular people, they were often nicer and less up-front, which was good and bad. I could never tell if they really liked me or not. They were also cleaner in their morals and such. The country kids had no morals, on the other hand, and were often very rude and negligent it seemed of other people's feelings. But they also seemed more capable of loving people once you earned their trust. My problem: I had friends on both sides. Side note: This grouping really only involved my particular grade, the other grades are classified differently. This is just my perspective on my own grade and doesn't include my friends who were in other grades. Except the one I feel was most likely, she was a grade above me but I considered her more of our grade because she hung out with us more and we had almost every class together. Anyway, in the end, I got sick and tired of the country kids since it seemed all they could talk about was perverted stuff I could care less about. It was putting me into one too many uncomfortable conversations. So I started hanging out with the more popular, classy kids, and I was altogether more comfortable there. This group didn't talk as much as the other, but I actually liked that. It gave me some time to actually think and stuff. It was a good choice. I just hope I can find some people who completely understand me in my new school. That would be enough for me for now, I think. Enough to make me finally content.
<3 TaBiThA
My Midnight
Written 6-15-2010 @ 2:59 pm
Yet another lifeless, lonely day
Playing at my heart-strings
Happiness doesn't seem to stay
While the sun is shining
I have to wait until darkness comes
To finally have your peace
Only when the daytime is done
I can feel you with me
All night long, I can't sleep
Until it brightens outside
When I sleep, I also find your peace
And new hope to find you, My Midnight
Yet another lifeless, lonely day
Playing at my heart-strings
Happiness doesn't seem to stay
While the sun is shining
I have to wait until darkness comes
To finally have your peace
Only when the daytime is done
I can feel you with me
All night long, I can't sleep
Until it brightens outside
When I sleep, I also find your peace
And new hope to find you, My Midnight
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Where Are You?
Where are you?
I really need you now, here with me.
I dream about you, think about you, write about you, all the freakin' time~It's almost unbearable!
Why can't I just have some peace of mind?
Why can't I be with you?
Tell me, oh, please, tell me.
Because I'm falling apart without you.
I know you're out there somewhere; I can feel it somewhere in my heart.
So just please, do whatever it takes, I beg you, I need to be with you!
Please come and find me. My heart beats faster just as I am writing this, writing about you.
You are the only one I want to write about.
I know I'm not going to feel any peace whatsoever until I'm with you.
Even now, it kills me with jealousy when I see people in love who are meant to be with each other.
Just like you and me
My heart hurts every day to just be with you.
I could do anything if I was with you.
In this world, where there is no one who understands me...I am around millions of people and yet I am more lonely than if I was on a deserted island.
I sing every love song thinking of you.
I know I must cry every day and night for you.
I can't sleep at night, only during the day.
I stay up until five am, as awake as everyone else is during the day.
I hate the morning; I love the night
I don't want to be in my freakin' twenties by the time you find me.
And when we do meet, I am going to know it's you.
No doubt about it.
I cry for you, my heart yearns for you.
And yet, you still do not appear, leaving me to wonder
if we'll ever find each other.
Sometimes I walk out to my bridge and look out across to the road, hoping desperately to find you there.
But you never appear.
And I keep crying.
And I wonder, will I be waiting forever?
Please find me.
I am waiting for you.
And I wonder yet again,
Where are you?
Love, TaBiThA
I really need you now, here with me.
I dream about you, think about you, write about you, all the freakin' time~It's almost unbearable!
Why can't I just have some peace of mind?
Why can't I be with you?
Tell me, oh, please, tell me.
Because I'm falling apart without you.
I know you're out there somewhere; I can feel it somewhere in my heart.
So just please, do whatever it takes, I beg you, I need to be with you!
Please come and find me. My heart beats faster just as I am writing this, writing about you.
You are the only one I want to write about.
I know I'm not going to feel any peace whatsoever until I'm with you.
Even now, it kills me with jealousy when I see people in love who are meant to be with each other.
Just like you and me
My heart hurts every day to just be with you.
I could do anything if I was with you.
In this world, where there is no one who understands me...I am around millions of people and yet I am more lonely than if I was on a deserted island.
I sing every love song thinking of you.
I know I must cry every day and night for you.
I can't sleep at night, only during the day.
I stay up until five am, as awake as everyone else is during the day.
I hate the morning; I love the night
I don't want to be in my freakin' twenties by the time you find me.
And when we do meet, I am going to know it's you.
No doubt about it.
I cry for you, my heart yearns for you.
And yet, you still do not appear, leaving me to wonder
if we'll ever find each other.
Sometimes I walk out to my bridge and look out across to the road, hoping desperately to find you there.
But you never appear.
And I keep crying.
And I wonder, will I be waiting forever?
Please find me.
I am waiting for you.
And I wonder yet again,
Where are you?
Love, TaBiThA
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Happiness Within Me
Written 6-12-2010 @ 3:02 am
Something deep in me is shifting
For the first time
It's like on my raft I'm drifting
Closer to a happy life
And I wonder where I'll end up
Am I reaching something finally
That will be enough
Will I finally be free
Have I really found the way
To becoming the best I can be
I hope this feeling will forever stay
This happiness within me
Something deep in me is shifting
For the first time
It's like on my raft I'm drifting
Closer to a happy life
And I wonder where I'll end up
Am I reaching something finally
That will be enough
Will I finally be free
Have I really found the way
To becoming the best I can be
I hope this feeling will forever stay
This happiness within me
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Inside Your Arms
Written 6-6-2010 @ 12:31 am
Darkness falls on me
An eternity I can't see
Beckoning to one
Who will never come
I'm in love with you somewhere
Please just take me there
I'm restless without you near
Please shatter all my fears
I wish to be somewhere warm
Folded safe inside your arms
Darkness falls on me
An eternity I can't see
Beckoning to one
Who will never come
I'm in love with you somewhere
Please just take me there
I'm restless without you near
Please shatter all my fears
I wish to be somewhere warm
Folded safe inside your arms
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Withdrawn
Written 6-5-2010 @ 5:18 pm
My brother probably
Will have already had
His very first kiss
Before I even hold your hand
It's so far away
The time passes slow
I wonder how much longer
I have to go
It's so hard to wait
Everything feels wrong
Without you here with me
I feel so withdrawn
My brother probably
Will have already had
His very first kiss
Before I even hold your hand
It's so far away
The time passes slow
I wonder how much longer
I have to go
It's so hard to wait
Everything feels wrong
Without you here with me
I feel so withdrawn
Shadow
Written 6-5-2010 @ 12:32 pm
In purest reality
I'm only a shadow
The understandable simplicity
Of remaining alone
Keeping up my vitality
Requires my halo
Understanding my sanity
Is a feat almost untold
Few can see the beauty
Of me; only a shadow
In purest reality
I'm only a shadow
The understandable simplicity
Of remaining alone
Keeping up my vitality
Requires my halo
Understanding my sanity
Is a feat almost untold
Few can see the beauty
Of me; only a shadow
suicide.
written 6-3-2010 @ 2:55 am
he suffers in the dark
blind and alone
feeling that no one cares
the lowest of the low
about to end it all
but no one even knows
he really thinks it's right
the only way to go
i only pray that he will see
right in front of his face; that handhold
God is reaching down to him
but he has already given up his soul
he pulls the rope tight
and his body becomes cold
this is his suicide.
SUICIDE:
The permanent solution to
a temporary problem.
Period.
he suffers in the dark
blind and alone
feeling that no one cares
the lowest of the low
about to end it all
but no one even knows
he really thinks it's right
the only way to go
i only pray that he will see
right in front of his face; that handhold
God is reaching down to him
but he has already given up his soul
he pulls the rope tight
and his body becomes cold
this is his suicide.
SUICIDE:
The permanent solution to
a temporary problem.
Period.
Your Lies- 200TH POEM!!!
Written 6-3-2010 @ 2:38 am
I don't know why
But you caught my eye
Is there some reason
Or is there a lie
Are you the spider
And am I the fly
Have I been caught up in your web of words
Should I prepare to die
I won't give you the satisfaction
You'll find I can put up quite a fight
I just want to ask one thing
Before you destroy my life
How much longer
Can you live with your lies?
I don't know why
But you caught my eye
Is there some reason
Or is there a lie
Are you the spider
And am I the fly
Have I been caught up in your web of words
Should I prepare to die
I won't give you the satisfaction
You'll find I can put up quite a fight
I just want to ask one thing
Before you destroy my life
How much longer
Can you live with your lies?
First Love
Written 6-3-2010 @ 2:30 am
First Love
Why do you elude me
I'm caught up
In all of the dreams
First Love
I've been thinking about you
When will you come
I just don't know what to do
First Love
I can't wait for that day
We will fall in love
It seems like forever away
First Love
Why do you elude me
I'm caught up
In all of the dreams
First Love
I've been thinking about you
When will you come
I just don't know what to do
First Love
I can't wait for that day
We will fall in love
It seems like forever away
Spark
Written 5-20-2010 @ 1:07 pm
Somehow I knew
Just what you would do
Now I wonder who you are
While I dream in the dark
It could be about you
I wonder if you have a clue
It seems our meeting left a mark
When your hand touched mine
I thought I felt a spark
Somehow I knew
Just what you would do
Now I wonder who you are
While I dream in the dark
It could be about you
I wonder if you have a clue
It seems our meeting left a mark
When your hand touched mine
I thought I felt a spark
-Hope-
Written 5-12-2010 @ 12:10 p.m.
Hope can be beautiful
Hope can hurt
Hope can make your heart sing
If only at first
Hope can do anything
Hope is a joy
Hope is a happy thing
Except when it is coy
Hope is like a prayer
Or any spoken thought
Hope can be a faker
Destroying what you want
Hope cannot be trusted
It likes to play games
But hope includes so many good things
Like the sunshine and the rain
Hope can be beautiful
Hope can hurt
Hope can make your heart sing
If only at first
Hope can do anything
Hope is a joy
Hope is a happy thing
Except when it is coy
Hope is like a prayer
Or any spoken thought
Hope can be a faker
Destroying what you want
Hope cannot be trusted
It likes to play games
But hope includes so many good things
Like the sunshine and the rain
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