Every Girl

Every girl just wants one thing in her life: to be called beautiful by someone, preferably a guy, and know, really know, that they absolutely mean it.

This Is What I Believe

Written 11-11-2010 @ 8:31 pm

A battle rages inside
The pressure to conform
I don't know anymore what's right
I only know how to follow

And now it's getting stronger
This screaming burning desire
I can't wait much longer
Should I even I try to fight?

I feel like I'm finding me
Would you leave me for that?
Who I'm truly supposed to be
Do you really think that's bad?

I won't sacrifice my standards
Is that enough for you?
I only know when I look upwards
And I think about what I want to do

All my life I've lived in shadows
Always wanting to be something more
But this frame of mind I've shattered
And I'm looking for an open door

There must be a place for me
Waiting far away
A place where I'm supposed to be
Someday I'll find that place

For now I'm reaching out
Wondering if this is right
When I see, I have no doubt
I don't want to regret in my life

All arrows point to this
It's always showing up
It could be worth the risk
Of sometimes standing out

I need to find out for myself
No one should have tell me this
I know where to cry for help
This is something I shouldn't dismiss

My future depends on me
Only I can decide
Whether life will bring me to my knees
Or if I will survive

I guess I don't need to choose now
I'm not even seventeen
I have a lot of things to figure out
This is what I believe

I think I've been crying for maybe the past half hour or so... I know it's stupid that I'm so easily moved, but I just am. I was finishing up reading this manga series, Crazy For You. I highly recommend it, though it may make you cry if you're easily moved like I am. It's a wonderful, beautiful story that has a happy ending. I hate things that don't have happy endings. Because who wants to believe in that? I don't. I want to believe in love, overcoming all for just two people. Two halves of a heart becoming a whole. I have to believe that, because someday, I'm going to meet my other half...and I'll have my happy ending, too.

Okay, I know I promised. Now here is the story of how I got the idea for my pending book, Violet and the Black Rose. So, quite a while ago, I was on yahoo looking at the updates my friend had made, and she had written the lyrics to song, talking about some cool dude named Andy Six. So I googled the lyrics and came up with this band, The Black Veil Brides. Then I tried listening to their song, Perfect Weapon, and to be honest, the screaming wasn't really my thing. But the band kind of stuck in my head. Plus Andy Six is waaaaay hot. But, several days later, I had a dream, or maybe it was a daydream, I can't remember whether I was asleep or not, but I was thinking about what it would be like if I met him, since, I mean, he's only three years older than me and everything. So, I thought, (or dreamed), and I came to the conclusion that, like, if for some insanely amazing reason, he was attracted to me, it would probably not work since he's an atheist and I'm a Christian. So, since this is how it usually happens, I kind of started writing down what I had dreamed, like, meeting him and him liking me, and me having to refuse. So I named the main character,(me) Violet, renamed Andy Six, as Andy Smith, and I kept my friend's name who wrote the comment that led me to finding them, which, her name is Alex, (love you girl). So, i wrote that Violet and Alex were sisters,3 years apart like me and rl Alex, and i made it like a couple years in the future, cause Alex is 15 and Violet is 18. I just needed to make Violet old enough to live alone with Alex cause i didn't want to mess with parents. So, the story goes, they go to a concert, for The Black Roses (changed from The Black Veil Brides, I liked the idea of roses since that's my thing). And I wrote that they got the band name from the lead singer's nickname, i wrote that his nickname was the black rose. So i wrote that, and i came up with a whole story to go along with it. well, at least a storyline. It's still in progress. I got to a stand-still point in it, i think its because i've been writing so much poetry lately. Anyway, there you go. And, actually, later after I wrote that, that band has been still stuck in my head, so i looked it up again and downloaded their songs and I found I really liked some of them!! The only thing about them that I don't love and support is that a song or two hints at the fact that they're atheists. I think the song I like best is The Mortician's Daughter. I thought the title sounded terrible at first, but then I read online about the real meaning and I just love it now. It makes sense. Anyway, I have to do a little homework.
By the way, today it is only two months until my SEVENTEENTH birthday!!! And, I dyed my hair dark brown today! It looks almost black, but that might fade, so prob by my bday I'll dye it black/brown. But I love it right now!!!
I'll upload some new pics later!!!!!!!!!!
<3 TaBiThA
I reached over 19,000 views on my blog today!!! Thx for reading!!!!!

NEVER Forget

Written 11-2-2010 @ 10:33 pm

I'm so sick of you
All you say and what you do
You say you trust me
Then don't tell me anything
School-wide, I'm last to know
Cause you don't talk on the phone
Who do you think I'd tell?
From now on, it's "Oh, well"
I'm done asking what happened
I don't care if I'm the last one
Just know this was the last time
Don't be asking me if I'm fine
Yes, I do easily forget
But, girl, I NEVER Forget

TaBiThA

These Days

Written 11-2-2010 @ 12:08 am

Love is a beautiful idea
These days
Everybody just want someone new
Boys just seem to love the thrill of the chase
It leaves us girls not knowing what to do

Marriage is a beautiful idea
These days
No one ever seems to stay together
But I want to promise you someday
That I will always stay with you forever

Life with you is a beautiful idea
These days
It seems the day will never find its way
But I know someday I'll think back to days like today
And I'll remember when I missed you during all these days

TaBiThA
I LOVE this poem!!! I feel like it's one of the best I've written in a long time!

Rather Say Goodbye

Written 10-27-2010 @ 7:27 pm

If you're really that unstable
Guess what I don't wanna be friends
If you're really that irritable
Than this is where it ends
Don't expect help on your homework
And don't expect a smile
Don't dare ask me what to do
I'm done with your crap for a while
Understand I really don't care
Don't ask me if I'm fine
And I know you really don't care
Cause all you do is lie
You love, to talk behind people's backs
So I'd rather say goodbye

TaBiThA

My Heart's Back Burner

Written 10-8-2010 @ 11:50 pm

Who should I listen to?
My friends say stay away
But my heart feels something new
Maybe in the end my heart will break
But my feelings ring true

Maybe it'll take forever
For you to notice me
Maybe it will remain never
But I promise one thing
For now I'll keep you on my heart's back burner

I don't have to decide now
And it's my decision to make
I need to feel the feelings I've found
Until I leave this place
And only then I'll let go

TaBiThA

11-1-2010

There is so much in my mind right now, it's like I can't even comprehend it all. SO much I want to know, and so much I want to do. So much I'm not ready for. So much that is and will be changing. So much that I can't even understand myself. Cause, you know, I want to be me. And I have a hard time with asking what EVERY single one of my friends thinks about every freaking thing. Like, about this whole thing with the guy I like now, and with my hair. So, I'm done. I swear, here on this blog of mine, that I will TRY MY BEST, emphasis on TRY, to completely, totally stop, unless it is completely and totally necessary. Got it? Okay. I just wish I had someone to help hold me to that....and I wish I had someone in general, too...=/
Sorry for being a downer!
On the other hand, right now I'm pretty freakin happy.
Thanks to Black Veil Brides. :) Somehow they made my day when I discovered them, and for several afterward. I just wish I could land a guy as awesome and totally hot as Andy Six! Good luck to me on that one!

Footnote: Why in the WORLD do I ALWAYS like musicians??? SOMEONE TELL ME WHY!

LoveLoveLove, TaBiThA

Next time I write I will tell you the origin of my new book, Violet and the Black Rose! And it has to do with Andy Six, believe it or not!

More Of Me

Written 10-31-2010 @ 7:58 pm

They tell you to care about yourself
Then they tell you
You don't care about anyone else
They tell you the right thing to do
Then they don't believe in you...
They label you twisted
I feel so confused
I just want my freedom
But I don't want to lose
Myself in the process
That could be hard to do
I want to find what's right for me
I'm looking for the clues
I see things everyday
That make my heart soar
So high in the sky
And everyday now I'm finding more
More of me

I Will Break Free

Written 10-31-2010 @ 2:34 am

I feel dirty like a thief
Who has stolen something,
Like a homeless person
On the side of the street.
I'm guilty of many crimes
And inside I weep
For the loss of time
And the pain I see,
For the days that pass
And the bridge I will never leap.
I feel I can never
Be really truly me,
Always held captive
By something unseen.
But I can't let go.
I have to believe
That the day will come
When I will break free

Update 10-30-2010

Forty-five mintes to midnight! It's almost happy Halloween, everybody! YaY! I wish I was going to a haunted house or something...oh well. So, what's been going on with me? Well, today sucked. I fought with my dad about everything. Basically, I woke up ticked off at him, and I got up out of my bed at about 3pm to help my mom unload groceries out of her car. SO he was mad cause I stayed in bed so long. Then he just let my fourteen year old demon brother play his video games and watch tv while he made me take out the trash and do various other chores just to bug me. Just him touching me nowadays bugs me. That's how much I want to get out. Yes, I know I lied a couple times to him in the past. GET OVER IT! Whatever, I've got a year and two months til I'm eighteen. Thank God he believes that when you're eighteen, even if you're living at home, you can do whatever you want. I can go where I want, I can go to my friends houses, I can go everywhere alone, and I can be who I really am. I'll get my forever tattoo, and I WILL pierce my nose if I want to. Yesterday we went to the last football game. It was great. I had a lot of fun, except when one of my friends made a comment about me having a 4.0 GPA and being held hostage by my dad...which is true, but still, I didn't need that aired to the whole world around us. I already get enough crap for being smart and for my dad.
All the juniors had to take the ASVAB the other day. I made an 89. By the end of the day I wished that I hadn't have told anyone.
I feel the most depressed in my third block class, music history. All our teacher does is read a book, and at least I can listen to my iPod without getting it taken up.
I love Taylor Swift's new cd, Speak Now. My favorite song on it is Enchanted. I love it cause it's exactly how I felt when I met the guy that I currently like right now at school. ;)
I noticed a comment mentioning Fang and the maximum ride series that I had addressed, and by now, I have read all the books, including Fang. And honestly, I wanted to kill James Patterson when I had finished it. Fang and Max NOT TOGETHER??!!?? I wanted to KILL HIM!!!!
But, well, what do you expect from an old guy who writes about all this action and killing and crap and then tries his hand at a romance in the middle of it. Nope, I'm sticking to Sarah Dessen. I love the book The Truth About Forever more than anything. READ IT!!!
I have the Sims 3 now, and I love it alot. It's so fun hurting people when they're pretend and talking to crazy ghosts and making emo sims.
A new girl came to our school this week, and I've successfully befriended her. YAY!
Today, I fixed my computer!!!!!!!!! I can now use the internet whenever I don't have my computer plugged into the router!!! It made me SO Happy! And I figured out what my old itunes account information was. So i could redownload textplus, for when I get my new iPod touch 4G for Christmas almost next month.
More later,
TaBiThA

The Flower That Would Never Bloom

Written 10-28-2010 Just before English 3 (2nd block)

Just another lifeless lonely day
I have to force myself through
It doesn't really matter anyway
No one needs to talk to someone new
I just wanna go to sleep
Watch me as I wilt away
The flower that would never bloom
Sit in silence everyday
The flower that would never bloom
-TheRamseyRose-

THANK YOU!!!

So, I was just looking at my blog a few minutes ago, I saw that someone had left a comment!!
Then I kept looking for more, and there were several, like at least five!!! So, this is to ya'll that read my blog. I just wanted to say, thank you very, very much. It made me very happy to read what you took time out of your precious lives to write to me. That means so much to me. And since one of you asked me to post a chapter of one of my books, I'll set up a page and post a chapter. Once again, thank you for reading my blog and posting comments. Most of my life, I feel sad and unwanted, and somehow, when people say I have talent or something like that, it just brings my soul higher, I guess. I know I may sound somewhat overdramatic over such a simple thing as a comment on one of my posts, but I wanted to let you know that I'm just like that. And nothing makes me happier than knowing that my life's passion is appreciated.
Thank You, My Lovelies.
Love, Tabitha<3333333

P.S. I would love for anyone who wants to say something to me and wants an answer back to email me at dreamerwriterpoet@gmail.com. Thank you for making my day.

Everything We Could Be

Written 10-23-2010 @ 3:12 pm

I saw you again
When I came home
Still had that feeling
When I saw you in the hall
Now my friends know
Some say I'm in love
It's too soon to know
If I'd be enough
For now I'll just hold on
Just wait for you to see
Everything I am
And everything we could be

Where I'll Go

Written 10-22-2010 @ 11:39 pm

There's no one around
No one I can trust
I'm left to decide
What I surely must
I don't know where to hide
When I become scared
No solace I can find
Not even in prayer
I have to go on
This much I know
And at least if I die
I know where I'll go

Changed My Mind

Written 10-18-2010 @ 11:18 pm

I thought it would be hard
Getting over you
But one look at your myspace
And it changed my mood
I guess Fall break did help
Not seeing you for a while
Sure I still like you a little
But at least now I can smile :)
Now I feel like I can go on
And do whatever I like
I'm glad I got to the point
Where I changed my mind

How To Live

Written 10-11-2010 @ 12:04 am

I'm thinking of you
As I lay here alone
Still haven't decided
If I should let you go
Far away as can be
I wonder where you are
And I know it's silly
My feelings and all
I just wish you could see
All the love I could give
But you'll never be with me
Unless I learn how to live

"I cry like the rain tonight"

10-8-2010
He will NEVER like me
Maybe all I need to do
to forget
is to believe that...
He is all I think about
He enters my brain at least
every five seconds...
All I want is to forget
Forget how I feel about him
Forget he even exists in my
own private little world...
He is a player;he will
never change. He'd use
me and throw me away...
And it would be beautiful...
He's amazing...He's a jerk
We all are
He's beautiful...I'm not
I have no chance
And it's killing me day by day...slowly...

A Smile

Written 10-8-2010 @ 10:15 am

Walk around lonely as a ghost
Cause no one cares to be around me
In the end it's all my fault
Crying just comes too easily
I guess emotional lows come
For every emotional high
But the lows are always worse
Though short if I don't try to fight
I just want the pain to end
I hate living this way
If I could only find one true friend
A smile would come upon my face...again

Unlikely

Written 10-7-2010 @ 10:10 pm

I've gotta forget about you
You're not the right guy for me
I wish that I didn't have to
I just wish that I could be happy
But nothing ever goes right
This game is getting old
I want to have a real life
I'm tired of doing everything I'm told
So if things were to change
And you were to notice me
I might give you a chance
But wishful thinking is so unlikely

About You

Written 10-5-2010 @9:35 pm

I keep thinking about you
It never stops
I keep dreaming about you
Around the clock
And now I'm singing about you
And my heart's confused
Cause people tell me I shouldn't like you
But I already do
It's a feeling I can't explain
Telling me to hold on
I start to forget and something screams wait
But I won't wait for long
I have to make a choice somehow
Bout how to feel about you
Cause people tell me I shouldn't like you
But I think I already do

In My Heart

Written 10-4-2010 @ 8:14 pm

Is there no one left?
Am I the last one alive?
Chivalry must be dead
Purity taken prisoner by desire
God, prepare my man
Send him my way
And I'll give him my hand
In my heart he can stay

Separate Lives

Written 9-19-2010 @ 1:47 pm

I still remember
Every word you said
And I see your picture
Swirling around in my head
I never did tell you
What I still felt inside
And now and again I think it through
While we're living separate lives

Far Away

Some parts of my life feel so far away...like I've lived a million lives. It's like, oh, I can remember doing that, feeling that, but it seems so long ago...I wonder why that is. I wish I knew. Maybe someday I will.
So, update, last week we went on our trip to Dollywood and Nascar Speedpark. It was great, with minor Dad setbacks. Speaking of which, he's gone for a few days, and I have my computer back, but wiping it caused problems such as the fact that in order for me to have internet, I have to sit out here in the living room like I am, in the dark past midnight plugged up into the modem, to get internet. Oh Joy. Plus, Pudge is right beside me, and he smells like a skunk. Literally, because one sprayed him today. He's not so great lately, he throws up alot. He threw up twice today...or, yesterday, I mean. Book-writing.....I'm taking a break. And the rest of my life right now? It looks pretty okay.
TaBiThA<3

Question: What would you do?

Question: What do you do when someone likes you and you totally don't like him back? And he follows you around all the time and pokes you and sits really close to you and makes you feel really, really uncomfortable? It gets worse. What do you do when you have two classes with him? And he NEVER STOPS annoying you. And he prides himself on his annoyingness, weirdness, and creepiness? Yeah, so.....I got nothing. I don't know what do do, especially since every time I tell him to cut it out, he acts like a little kid and goes off by himself in corner away from every one and suddenly I'M the bad guy?!? Oh, well, I'm sorry, am I not allowed to not like you???
Well, Goodbye then.
-Sigh-

Somedays

9-14-2010 @ 7:50 pm
It's not in my nature
To intrude on people
So you may have to tell me
If you want me around
I'm kind of shy
Especially around guys
Because of my past
And memories that last
You may know if we talk someday
But realize for now
There are very few somedays
That time will allow

Everything Starts Where It Ends

"Here we are again, love

Here we go again

By your side I can't pretend anymore

Now everything starts where it ends"

I Sigh

Written 9-7-2010 @ 9:45 pm

As I remember my past
I cry for my future
Cause almost nothing lasts
And all I feel is hurt
Where is the love I need?
Not from God I mean
I have Him here with me
Without him I would not breathe
But still I wait for you
I will until I die
My heart's wish, please come true
As I live my life without you, I sigh

If It's You

Written 9-5-2010 @ 9:37 pm

I feel you here in my room
And I wonder every day
If you could be here soon
And how long I'll have to wait
Sometimes I'm so sure I'll know
Cause I know you'll be different
But how much longer do I have to go?
I wish you could give me a hint
An image of you is burned into my mind
Like I'd know you if I saw you
You'll probably be so hard to find
But I know you'll find me if it's you.

<3 I love you, wherever in time we are together.

I REFUSE

I refuse to believe this world is a horrible terrible place.
I refuse to believe every person in it is evil and is just playing me.
And I refuse to believe that I cannot possibly change it!

LaLaLa

Sometimes I feel like I'm the weirdest and most childish girl in the whole world.....today when my mom returned home from visiting with her friends for her birthday, she brought with her a bday balloon, which, from then til now, I've been pulling around with me. It's been tied around my waist and earlier I was skipping around my living room happily with it trailing around me. Am I truly a child? I may never know.

This is me trying to vent in some sort of poetry form....

I lay here cryin
Of course no one knows
It feels like I am dyin
Is it only me?
That's how it feels
Cause no one is here
I always mess it up
Every single time
They all promise to be there
And they all lie
Nothing is safe
In a world full of pain
What has become of the hope that I made?
I can't even bother to remember to pray
I wanna go the distance
But they push me away...
I watch with jealousy
They think I'm strange
The girl who just sits there
So stupid and strange
They would say,
Look, there she is!
Is she not stupid?
I mean, look at her hair,
She dyed it black!
And her clothes are insane
Dude, that's a fact.
Now, I don't mine it much
Not when it comes to that
I just really hate
When they tell me how to act
They think they get it
But how could they possibly?
I know it's depressing
But no one does
And I'm not sure anyone ever will...
Ever will want to see me, talk to me
Want to be with me
No one has, no one does
Yes, I'm cynical
But I speak the truth
I don't lie
(Don't ask my parents if I do)
Actually, I'm too honest
Is there such a thing?
What else do I have?
What else can I bring?
This was SUPPOSED to be different
Things were supposed to change...
But I think I know now
It was me that was wrong
I'm the problem
The only common factor
But I'm not alone
I know there are others
I know I'll get through
I know God loves me
And a few people do too
I can make it through this
I am making friends
A few see my heart
And don't look away
Because it's so broken
It might make you cry
It's so lost and confused
And it hurts for every heart
That's fallen prey to hardship
Like I have in my life
I know I'm luckier than most
Because of what I have
But I wouldn't care
As long as
I knew I was alright
And not so insane
Not such a freak
Not so mundane
I want to shine
But I'm too far back
Down in the line
An impossibility, you say?
I don't use the word
Because anything is possible
If you dare to try
I guess that means me, too
It's not like I'm giving up
I just wanted to vent
I guess stopping here is enough

Some people...Omg...

I guess SOME people turn out to be different than you thought they were....one second they're all nice and innocent....and the next minute they make you feel like there's something terribly wrong with you....when there really isn't at all! I hate people who exaggerate in that way...and say one thing, and do another. AND people who do stuff so embarrassing as to try to get me to go out with someone I'm just friends with. My love life is MY business. You don't wanna talk to me, you don't wanna hang out with me? Okay, I can take it. It just means you're not worth my time. It's so...Wrong. Am I some kind of stupid magnet for people like that? People who just want to change me, tell me what to do? Well...fine...I don't care...you so don't own me. I own my life. Me and God and no one else. And if you wanna tell me to stop doing something so STUPID as you did, that's freakin fine, but don't think I'm just gonna act all peachy keen to you when all you do is ask my brother weird things as if I'm some kind of freak AND COPY MY FREAKIN HOMEWORK! WELL, NOT ANYMORE, GIRL! CAUSE FROM NOW ON, MY HOMEWORK IS ALSO JUST my BUSINESS! And I ain't gonna act like anything's wrong. You're just gonna have to suffer while I'm silent. Cause I don't deserve your crap. No, I'm not saying I'm better than you in any freaking way. I'm just saying I'm done. You are not going to ruin my second chance. And if you do, somehow, I will freaking kill you. Oh, and one more thing, You do NOT want to be my enemy....just a warning.

Horrible

Written 8-18-2010 @ 4:21 pm

Why is it when I go someplace new
That everyone always tries to tell me what to do
Don't they understand I'm new at this school?
Why don't they get that I'm not a fool?
I don't understand they way they act
But people like them more than me, it's a fact
Am I just weird and everyone else's normal?
They don't know it, but they make me feel horrible

About To Drown

Written 8-17-2010 @ 6:35 pm

Is everybody right?
Is love really more trouble than it's worth?
Cause I want something more than that in my life
I was raised to believe love is worth the fight
Being who I am I don't know what love should be
Will it ever really be my turn?
I just wanna find that guy who's right for me
Is love harder or easier than it seems?
Cause I'm so confused right now
No one seems to know the truth
Nobody can seem to tell me how
So I'm just stuck here about to drown.

Lying

Written 8-17-2010 @ 11:43 pm

Isn't it weird when you look back on your life
And all you see is happy times
You cry, cause all you knew then was strife
And you realize your life then was fine
Even if it's better now
My attitude may change any day
Even though I don't know how
I always seem to lose my faith
I always say, not this time, not me
But it always starts the same way
Is this the way things are supposed to be?
Cause I thought love overpowered hate
Maybe I was wrong somewhere down the line
Cause I know I always end up crying
Am I really ever fine?
Cause I'm beginning to think all this time I've been lying
TaBiThA

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

So, I had a great first week at WCHS. I switched my classes on like, Tuesday, and now my 3rd is music history and my fourth is chemistry. I really like it alot more now cause i've got friends in every class.
I've made or at least started to make a whole bunch of friends this week, and it's totally awesome. And now I feel tired in like, every way. Is that even possible?? I took my first chem test the other day and made a 98 on it =). Today after we ate dinner I went over to Meagan's to say goodbye cuz she's leavin for Murray State 2morrow. Can u believe it? We wrote in each other's yearbooks and I show her who i've met at school so far in Heidi's yearbook.
And this year I think I've begun the school year with a lot better attitude. And I'm feelin really confident right now, cuz Meagan told me that Heidi told her that random guys keep coming up to her and tellin her they think I'm hot...Lol. SO that was nice to hear. I'm attractive....YAY. And my book rewrite is almost done! I gotta finish it this weekend if possible. Though idk if it will be cuz we gotta paint the bridge. I would write some more tonight, but I'm sittin here bout to fall asleep. I mean, I was happily playin the sims 2 and then my eyelids got heavy......GTG
TaBiThA

Capricorn =)

YOU are ambitious, careful, and successful

OTHER Capricorns are gloomy cheapskates that carry grudges, which is odd because goats are so lovable, right? Who doesn't like that tangy smell and those crazy goat eyes?

LIKES People that know what they're talking about, reliability, and people who like kidding around. (That's right, "kidding" is a goat joke. But I promise it's the last one.)

DISLIKES Ridicule, wasting time, and people that try to make you feel baaaaaaaad about yourself.


So me, right? I thought so.
TaBiThA

WCHS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today was my first day of school at WCHS!

When I got home, I felt really sad for two seconds because someone came back who I thought was gone forever......maybe I'll see him again soon! =)

Anywho, school was GREAT today.
Except that I got two hours and forty minutes of sleep.
And except that my bus was twenty minutes late to school.....yeah, I know. Only you, Tabitha, is what you're thinking. OK time for pros and cons of the school day, my new daily blog thing! (Lol i just decided that RIGHT now...)

Pros: I got a top locker;I like three of my teachers;I figured out which class to switch to for fourth block;the day went by quickly;everyone was so so nice to me; Tori thought my book was awesome;I have english 3 with Kelby and the other girls in there are great!!;my third block has a few cute guys in it ;) lol;I wasn't late;my locker combo is both easy to remember and easy to open, plus it's close to my friend's;I had enough time when I got to school to get my locker and class schedule;I only got told I look like a freshman ONCE;guys talked to me in chemistry=);I will probably still get to see the person who came back sometimes because my brother goes to the same school as him=);I didn't crash;I can't wait to go tomorrow;my classes seem manageable;I looked great all day as far as I know;making friends was easy so far;I'm not so shy this year;AND I didn't say anything mean to anyone!

Cons:What I found out about who came back to FHS =(;My bus being twenty minutes late;I couldn't find my locker at first/the one I found didn't work because for some reason there are TWO freaking locker number sevens???;I thought I was late to class first block(but I wasn't);I didn't know anyone in desktop pub;Multimedia design SUCKS!;I missed breakfast and my milk cuz i was late;I didn't get to decorate my locker today;I didn't get the game in chemistry at first;soon I'll have from two classes with Kelby to only one,not like it matters much, since i already am friends with him and need to make NEW friends;someone thought I hated him;there was lots of paperwork and fees;I only slept for three hours the night before;i was freaking out on the bus becuz we were lost forEVER

AND THAT'S ABOUT IT!!!

A Beginning

Have you ever met someone and felt like that meeting was a beginning? I did this year, and I really liked him, too. But he moved away....and I thought I'd never see him again. But since then, I have, twice. And it's kind of weird, cause even though now he lives pretty far away, I feel like it's not over, like his part in my life isn't over. After he moved, I saw him again at graduation, and then, randomly, I saw him at the mall on Wednesday, which is so weird, since he was on his way out of the place, and Florence is just so big, yknow? SO....I have come to the conclusion that....I don't know why but I just get the feeling that it's not over. I know I'm being redundant but who cares. Anyway, I hope it really isn't over, because something moves inside my heart every time I see him.... =)

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Soooo, today was registration at my new school, and it was awesome. I saw all my new friends, and met some new super nice and awesome people who are sure to become my friends. AND i had a breakthrough in my re-writing of Set Free! Now I'm to ch 11!!!!! YAY! AND it's AWESOME!
AND SCHOOL STARTS MONDAY! I found out my classes today. Desktop publishing, English 3, Chemistry, and Multimedia Design for this semester. I'm only not sure bout multi design cuz the teachers mean....so i might change....idk. BUT, i've got english with Shayla! YAY! And 2morrow im goin to the MALL!!!!!!!!! So, Catch yall later!

Goodness, it's finally August! And next week I start my junior year at my new school! I can't believe it's finally here and I am SO excited. Right now my writing is sky rocketing, I have like three new ideas! YAY!
I read The Truth About Forever last week and it's totally the best love story I've ever read. Yep. It's that good.
Tomorrow, I'm going to the pool TWICE, and on Tuesday, I've got to register for school, and on Wednesday, I've got a dermatologist appointment and I'm going to the mall while I'm down there, probably to Rue21! Then on Thursday I've got nothin to do, and on Friday my jeans should be here, then that day and the rest of the weekend we are gonna be painting the bridge so that will be up and ready soon after school starts, and THEN, next Monday, SCHOOL STARTS!!!! YAY!
TaBiThA<3

Apparently My Affinity IS Air, LoL?

I took a quiz today and here's what it said bout me: Air

And I quote the quiz site "Your affinity is Air.

You are incredibly intelligent and perceptive. Because you are rational and fair,your friends can come to you with their problems knowing that you will provide unbiased advice with their best interests in mind.
You are friendly and social. Because you are easily bored, you surround yourself with many friends who keep you busy. You can easily adapt to your surroundings, and are always looking for new experiences and things to try."

Well, I think that kinda sounds like me, I think, =)
In other news, just ten days left til school at WCHS! ALRIGHT!!!

"Be Yourself"-Thoughts

Every time I hear the phrase, "Be Yourself", I'm confused to a high extent. Because then I am forced to ask myself, Who am I? What exactly does that phrase entail?
I was thinking about this just now, so I thought writing about it might help a little. It always seems to. So I think I'll jot down a bunch of things about me.
I am...
A writer
A poet
A girl who loves fashion
And also music
Someone who has a distinct yet familiar style
(Sometimes in this century I feel like I'm not being me or that I'm a fake since I wear stuff like skinny jeans and converse and it just so happens that it's the style, but that's really just because it's in style that I found out about all of it and it really is me because every time I see stuff like that it makes me feel really happy. And also I remember when things like flare jeans were in style and everyone was wearing them back when I was 14 and i hated those and was stuck wearing bootcut jeans cause I didn't know there was anything better, and then I found skinny jeans, and converse, and I felt tooooooooooootally me! so I guess that's all that really matters in the end =D )
Anyway, moving on.
A pessimist
A girl with extremely high standards
A Christian
A Perfectionist
Someone who sometimes suffers from violent mood swings
Willing to stand up for myself and what I feel
Someone who likes, looks forward to, and enjoys change
An extremely pensive person
Way too judgmental, but what really matters is that I change my mind
Way less indecisive than I used to be
Always guilty to no end
Too trusting of other people;I want to believe the best of everyone
Bad with stereo-typing people I don't even know
Strong, but weak
Not sunshine....maybe moonlight? Not sure...
Trying desperately to figure out who I am...DESPERATELY!
Ultimately, I can remember a time when I tried to be someone else. I wanted to dress like other people and not me. That's why I got into the "Aeropostale Trap". When I was thirteen, I had a crush on a guy and he wore aero shirts all the time, so did the other girls i was around, so i went to the store, saw the cute teeshirts, and 'thought' I liked them. I didn't. Only now, years later, do I regret the 10+ aero shirts hanging in my closet mocking me. But I am thankful I figured that out and embraced my urban/rocker/skater style. And let this be heard, I won't naively shop at Aeropostale ever again.
As I enter into the high school I've been dreaming of going to for the past year, I am committed to being the best ME that I can be. I won't look at other girls and think, "hey, since she's wearing that i should too!" No, I'm going to wear what I LIKE. And I'm going to be happier and healthier for it. Good luck to me Junior Year and on!

Wow.....Converse!

Okay, in my opinion, Converse are the best shoes ever made, comfortable and awesome. They make my skinny jeans look better than they already do! Lol! Is that even possible?!?
Anyway, a while ago, I heard someone say something about how converse and skinny jeans should NOT be put together at all costs, and I was thinking, like, WHAT??? I mean, this is ME. This is what I am absolutely comfortable in and what I absolutely LOVE!, so just now, I went where I always do to see if this opinion is a common one:Google. Lol. So, what I found was that that is SOOO not true! Most EVERYONE thinks Converse + Skinny Jeans = HOT!!! CASE CLOSED!
LoL...
<3
TaBiThA

It's official:I'm going to WCHS!!!!!

The New Day

Written 7-17-2010 @ 1:59 am

Sometimes I think
Inspiration's gone
Other times I feel
Depression has won
But then I wake up
And the whole world seems brand new
Like I'm a newborn
And I've got so much to do
Is it my teen years?
No one can be sure
It could be I'm just weird
But I've been wrong before
I guess I've gotta wait
Until I wake up again
To see what my attitude holds
For the new day that will soon begin!

Happy Medium

Written 7-17-2010 @ 1:50 am

Sentimental dreams
Aren't right for me
Although it seems
There's got to be
A better scene
Where I can be me
And live my life
The way I want
And somehow find
A happy medium

Someone For Me

Written 7-17-2010 @ 1:48 am

I feel so empty
Here in this room
With thoughts of fall
Already in bloom
Nowhere to go
Nowhere to hide
Just wait here another day
Til this feeling subsides
But I'm so different
Not like other girls
Is there someone out there
For me in this world?
=?

Update July 13th 2010

Hiya! Things are really awesome right now! Today I sold three of my old American girl dolls for $265! Isn't that freakin awesome?!? And I'm working on like a second draft of my first book, Set Free, cause I wanna have it ready in time for when school starts since I already have people who wanna read it! Tomorrow my mom has a job interview!!!!! YAY! And we are going to the pool that day, too! And, guess how many songs are on my iPod now?!? 1,118!!!! HELLO! Lol. And I'm really itching to read Fang, the last book in the Maximum Ride series. My new shirts from PacSun already came in, and the jeans were the wrong size so I had to send them back and now the size up is on it's way I think! So, I'm really excited right now, since school starts in like, um, lemme check, TWENTY-SEVEN MORE DAYS LEFT! And that's counting today! Hmm, I hope I get waffles when I wake up.... Mmmmm

My Fate

Written 7-12-2010 @ 7:56 pm

Is love even real
I wonder every day
Everything that I feel
Can it really be fake
Am I dreaming
I honestly can't say
But I will say one thing
Without any more delay
Life isn't worth living
If real love is not my fate

Might Be Happy

Written 7-5-2010 @ 4:16 am

Everything is gonna be okay
Just love God, be yourself
And you'll be happy

Don't believe a word they say
It's only cause they are alone
And they don't mean it anyway

But don't give up just yet, just wait
When you wake up the tides might turn
And you might win and be happy

Open Your Eyes

Written 7-3-2010 @ 7:57 pm

when you open your eyes
there's always a new day
a new surprise
it could be anything
and it might be right
if you believe it could happen
and just open your eyes
you might be delighted
at what you'll find
if you open your eyes

Eyes, Mind, and Heart, Wide Open, Waiting for You.

Update

I am: Happy, Sad, Confused, Worried, Apprehensive, Stressed out, Disappointed, Depressed, Content, Excited, Moved, Scared, Nervous, Confident, Undecided, Ecstatic, AND Waiting for a fall, ALL AT THE SAME TIME!


TaBiThA<3 AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Worth Living For

Written 6-30-2010 @ 2:30 am

A burst of passion
Takes my heart high
A hint of intuition
Of what my life should be like
A choice that I have to make
Brings swiftly forth
A chance that I have to take
That's worth living for

Serious

Written 6-30-2010 @ 2:27 am

I will do everything everything everything
That I can do
I'll keep on believing believing believing
And I'll make my debut
I'll jump all those hurdles
Just so that i can prove
I'm so so serious
And I won't Lose

Defiant Wish

Written 6-29-2010 @ 10:56 pm

Fighting a losing battle
Never was a chance to win
Trying to stay optimistic
Didn't make a difference
It's like I'm staring into
A Deep, Dark hole
A defiant wish turns into
A hatred black as coal

My Day

Went to the pool today! Had a totally fun time! Played basketball and went down the slide too many times. Didn't lose my contacts! Hung out with my friends. Leaped off the diving board. Might be an opening where I wanna work, so might get my first job! Oh, God, pleeeeeeeaaaaaasssseeee let this be it! =D

Night

Written 6-24-2010 @ 2:46 am

The stars fill up the sky
A beautiful absence of light
The darkness is taking me high
This is that which we call night

Peace settles down in my soul
But they say that God only dwells in the light
Then what of this feeling of being whole?
God also dwells in the night

An amazing thing is called silence
When no one can hear people fight
Another wonderful essence
Of this beautiful thing we call night
=)

Trouble In Paradise

There's been a little trouble concerning the transportation, but I decided to take the plunge and offer all my allowance towards gas money. Also, I'm selling my old AG dolls for extra gas towards it, ANd I'm still desperately trying to find a job. Phew!
Good luck to me!

<3 TaBiThA

Guess What?!?

I'M SWITCHING SCHOOLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
=DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Wishful Thinking

Written 6-17-2010 @ 4:59 am

I feel like I'm in a movie....
I mean, the girl with the horribly freakish life, and then just when the girl least expects it, voila! here comes the action and romance....and pure fantasy. I wish my life was a movie. I guess in God's eyes, it kinda is. I guess I sorta understand how God feels sometimes, watching all of our billions of stories. He probably must cry all the time, too. And wishes he could give us all happy endings. Sadly, it almost never works that way. At least, that's how I see it because I've never seen or heard of it happening. But, sometimes I feel like I just know something completely insane and wonderful and amazing is going to happen in my life. I don't think I've ever admitted that to anyone in my life before. As if it was a birthday wish that wouldn't come true if told. I guess it is like that, though. Because, all of that really happening to me, of all people, is due to complete and total wishful thinking on my part.....I think.....

<3 TaBiThA

I've been feeling really hopeful lately about school. There have been some recent breakthroughs concerning my ride there, but I'm still not sure what my dad even thinks of me. My mom and I may suggest it for the first time this weekend, or maybe not. I just really hope things work out for my dream.

TaBiThA

I used to believe I was this bright and happy go lucky person.
Lately, well, especially lately, I've come to the conclusion that I was completely and utterly wrong. In many ways, I'm an extremely dark person. Yes, I'm bright and colorful, but I'm also into black and other things considered dark. I'm not extremely outgoing unless I know enough people around me. Only then am I comfortable enough to be loud, but I'm still myself, just a little more shy and more careful of my words and actions. I guess for the most part that's a good thing. But I'm not a big fan of daytime. I prefer night, like midnight. That's my favorite time of day. I'm really not a person who listens to either happy or sad or angry music. I tend to listen to it all. I guess I'm just completely a middle person. I'm not happy all the time, but I'm not sad all the time either. I'm a realist. Instead of seeing the glass half full or half empty, I kind of see both points of view and accept that it could be both at the same time. That's a good thing right? I'm not a girly girl, but I'm not a tomboy either. In the middle once again. It's like I have the opportunity to go whichever way I want. Or just stay like this forever. I just wish I could find some people who are like me. Some real live kindred spirits. At the school I'm currently registered at but switching out of, there are two types of people. I make of the third type. In my school there are the popular, preppy, jock people, and the hillbilly, country, don't really care people. When I went to school there I kinda hung out with both since there were few others like me. In fact, I can only think of one who was like me. Like me in the way that we both got along with both groups but never really entirely fit in. At least, that was the way I felt. At the beginning, I didn't feel the need to choose, but later on I had to. Both groups had there good and bad points. The popular people, they were often nicer and less up-front, which was good and bad. I could never tell if they really liked me or not. They were also cleaner in their morals and such. The country kids had no morals, on the other hand, and were often very rude and negligent it seemed of other people's feelings. But they also seemed more capable of loving people once you earned their trust. My problem: I had friends on both sides. Side note: This grouping really only involved my particular grade, the other grades are classified differently. This is just my perspective on my own grade and doesn't include my friends who were in other grades. Except the one I feel was most likely, she was a grade above me but I considered her more of our grade because she hung out with us more and we had almost every class together. Anyway, in the end, I got sick and tired of the country kids since it seemed all they could talk about was perverted stuff I could care less about. It was putting me into one too many uncomfortable conversations. So I started hanging out with the more popular, classy kids, and I was altogether more comfortable there. This group didn't talk as much as the other, but I actually liked that. It gave me some time to actually think and stuff. It was a good choice. I just hope I can find some people who completely understand me in my new school. That would be enough for me for now, I think. Enough to make me finally content.
<3 TaBiThA

My Midnight

Written 6-15-2010 @ 2:59 pm

Yet another lifeless, lonely day
Playing at my heart-strings
Happiness doesn't seem to stay
While the sun is shining

I have to wait until darkness comes
To finally have your peace
Only when the daytime is done
I can feel you with me

All night long, I can't sleep
Until it brightens outside
When I sleep, I also find your peace
And new hope to find you, My Midnight

Where Are You?

Where are you?
I really need you now, here with me.
I dream about you, think about you, write about you, all the freakin' time~It's almost unbearable!
Why can't I just have some peace of mind?
Why can't I be with you?
Tell me, oh, please, tell me.
Because I'm falling apart without you.
I know you're out there somewhere; I can feel it somewhere in my heart.
So just please, do whatever it takes, I beg you, I need to be with you!
Please come and find me. My heart beats faster just as I am writing this, writing about you.
You are the only one I want to write about.
I know I'm not going to feel any peace whatsoever until I'm with you.
Even now, it kills me with jealousy when I see people in love who are meant to be with each other.
Just like you and me
My heart hurts every day to just be with you.
I could do anything if I was with you.
In this world, where there is no one who understands me...I am around millions of people and yet I am more lonely than if I was on a deserted island.
I sing every love song thinking of you.
I know I must cry every day and night for you.
I can't sleep at night, only during the day.
I stay up until five am, as awake as everyone else is during the day.
I hate the morning; I love the night
I don't want to be in my freakin' twenties by the time you find me.
And when we do meet, I am going to know it's you.
No doubt about it.
I cry for you, my heart yearns for you.
And yet, you still do not appear, leaving me to wonder
if we'll ever find each other.
Sometimes I walk out to my bridge and look out across to the road, hoping desperately to find you there.
But you never appear.
And I keep crying.
And I wonder, will I be waiting forever?
Please find me.
I am waiting for you.
And I wonder yet again,
Where are you?
Love, TaBiThA

Happiness Within Me

Written 6-12-2010 @ 3:02 am

Something deep in me is shifting
For the first time
It's like on my raft I'm drifting
Closer to a happy life
And I wonder where I'll end up
Am I reaching something finally
That will be enough
Will I finally be free
Have I really found the way
To becoming the best I can be
I hope this feeling will forever stay
This happiness within me

Inside Your Arms

Written 6-6-2010 @ 12:31 am

Darkness falls on me
An eternity I can't see
Beckoning to one
Who will never come
I'm in love with you somewhere
Please just take me there
I'm restless without you near
Please shatter all my fears
I wish to be somewhere warm
Folded safe inside your arms

Withdrawn

Written 6-5-2010 @ 5:18 pm

My brother probably
Will have already had
His very first kiss
Before I even hold your hand
It's so far away
The time passes slow
I wonder how much longer
I have to go
It's so hard to wait
Everything feels wrong
Without you here with me
I feel so withdrawn

Shadow

Written 6-5-2010 @ 12:32 pm

In purest reality
I'm only a shadow
The understandable simplicity
Of remaining alone
Keeping up my vitality
Requires my halo
Understanding my sanity
Is a feat almost untold
Few can see the beauty
Of me; only a shadow

suicide.

written 6-3-2010 @ 2:55 am

he suffers in the dark
blind and alone
feeling that no one cares
the lowest of the low
about to end it all
but no one even knows
he really thinks it's right
the only way to go
i only pray that he will see
right in front of his face; that handhold
God is reaching down to him
but he has already given up his soul
he pulls the rope tight
and his body becomes cold
this is his suicide.

SUICIDE:
The permanent solution to
a temporary problem.
Period.

Your Lies- 200TH POEM!!!

Written 6-3-2010 @ 2:38 am

I don't know why
But you caught my eye
Is there some reason
Or is there a lie
Are you the spider
And am I the fly
Have I been caught up in your web of words
Should I prepare to die
I won't give you the satisfaction
You'll find I can put up quite a fight
I just want to ask one thing
Before you destroy my life
How much longer
Can you live with your lies?

First Love

Written 6-3-2010 @ 2:30 am

First Love
Why do you elude me
I'm caught up
In all of the dreams

First Love
I've been thinking about you
When will you come
I just don't know what to do

First Love
I can't wait for that day
We will fall in love
It seems like forever away

Spark

Written 5-20-2010 @ 1:07 pm

Somehow I knew
Just what you would do
Now I wonder who you are
While I dream in the dark
It could be about you
I wonder if you have a clue
It seems our meeting left a mark
When your hand touched mine
I thought I felt a spark

-Hope-

Written 5-12-2010 @ 12:10 p.m.

Hope can be beautiful
Hope can hurt
Hope can make your heart sing
If only at first
Hope can do anything
Hope is a joy
Hope is a happy thing
Except when it is coy
Hope is like a prayer
Or any spoken thought
Hope can be a faker
Destroying what you want
Hope cannot be trusted
It likes to play games
But hope includes so many good things
Like the sunshine and the rain

Lost Dream

Written 5-11-2010 @ 2:25p.m.

There has to be a way
All hope cannot be lost
I've got to have faith
I'll do anything to pay the cost
I know I cannot stay
My motives are all just
There has to be a way
The war must not be lost
I don't belong in this place
Leaving is a must
I just have to wait
The key to it is trust
There has to be a way
This dream will not be lost

The First

Written 5-10-2010 @ 9:52p.m.

I can't imagine you
But someday soon
We'll be together
Now and maybe forever
I don't know who you are
But you are a star
I know what you're worth
Because you are the first
You could be the last
I wish my life would go faster
To get where you are
Oh my beautiful star
I know what you're worth
Because you are the first

Miracle

Written 8:02p.m. 5-10-2010

I don't wanna think of you
Even though you're who
Makes me melt
While you're with someone else
And I know even if I get there
You will probably never care...
So I don't mean to sound cynical
But getting you would take a miracle
I thought I heard that you broke up
When I was just about to give up
I heard your girlfriend's graduating
Take your time, I'm alright waiting
I really don't mean to sound like a little girl...
But you and me would be a miracle
J

Katie

LOVES

^

/_\

||

(Tree)

And they love

To eat pie
With Purple monkeys!
Someday they will have kids
Named Edwardo and Phyllis!
And they will love taking them
To Lacrosse practice!
They will shout Go Edwardo!
And Kill 'em, Phyllis!
From the sidelines!
They will be the goofiest parents ever,
But no matter what their kids will love them.
No matter how embarrassing they will be.
They will decide to buy the kids
Goldfish for their birthdays!
I bet their names will be
Nemo and Ed!
=) Tehehe

Update May 4th 2010

Hey!

Lots of things going on lately. This past weekend I went to go see The Last Song with my bud Katie and then after the movie ended we were going out for ice cream at Baskin Robbins but then the tornado siren went off and everyone but me started freaking out!-btw it was Fri and storms don't scare me =)-anywho, so, ice cream got canceled =( and Katie and her mom went home. I made my mom take me to walgreens cuz i heard they had those freakin awesome animal bracelets that glow in the dark you know the ones? kinda like rubber bands? Anyway, of course they were out of stock do I ordered these FREAKIN awesome ones online! Should be here in a couple of days, whenever the post office in town isn't underwater....and when we get a new mailbox...ha ha... it got swept away with the flood that took place Saturday and Sunday. And I felt bad Fri night and both those days! My head was hurting and my nose was all stuffy! Ugh! In other news, I'm closer than ever to WCHS... -screams in joy-. And also, i still have no access to microsoft word, meaning no new books can be printed! AHHHHHHH! AND I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF WRITING TWO MORE, BOOKS SIX AND SEVEN! Well, there's also a really short based on a true story thing I wrote, but Idk if anyone will ever read that...It's kinda personal....about someone I lost who was like my best friend who I talked to every day...so....yeah. ANyway, the new books are, 6, The Magic Jacket, AND 7, DOn't have a title yet...LoL. BUt I've got a whole entire story line mapped out!!!! SO maybe seven will be six???? Idk yet. Depends on this wicked case of writer's block I get on occasion. OK, so maybe it's more like boredom, cause if I sit down, I CAN write something, even something good, but I just don't always feel like it. Nighttime inspires me though. =DDDDDDD
<3 TaBiThA

ACT score

MADE A TWENTY-SIX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Taking The World And My Perfect Guy's Heart By Storm

Do you ever wonder, will I ever find love? I wonder that all the time...sadly. I don't have love, and I kind of doubt I ever will...I mean, I look at myself in the mirror, and think about the things that I do and the way that I act, which is sometimes completely insane, and, would I want to date me? Not really. Every time I see a new guy, who's good-looking and fits into my idea of someone I could be with, I dream about him. Even if I've never spoken to him in my entire life. Even if he doesn't know my name....but of course I know his. He is where I want to be, even if he doesn't know me....but I want him to know me. The only problem is, He doesn't want to know me...no one does...Because I'm not like other people. I see everything just a little bit differently, even more different than what normal people (if there is such a thing) who have just a little bit of seeing things differently in them see. Like, I'm the Only one. And that's what makes me a writer. The longing to fit in clashing violently with the PASSION to be myself and be DIFFERENT. And so I choose to be different. Because, who wants to live a normal life, anyway? Well...some people, I guess. Not me though. This is what I want. I want to meet a guy, someone who is perfect for me, and who will fall madly in love with me. And I feel the same way. For once, he would care about me, too. That's the main thing I want in my life. The other thing is I want to share my writings with the world, those things that make me different, yet help me to understand and connect to people. And to help them understand me. That's what I want. The question I have finally answered. Who am I? I am Dreamer Writer Poet. And I'm taking the world and my perfect guy's heart by storm.

Who You Need

Written 4-25-2010 @ 7:21p.m.

I'm watching you
And I can see
You're watching me too
Don't you think
What you should do
Is talk to me
Cause I could be who
You need
D

To Know Me

Written 4-25-2010 @ 2:47 p.m.

I see something
No one else sees
And it's glowing
Oh I wish you'd see me
I think you are
More than can be seen
I want to know you
I want to see
But I want you to want that too
I want you to know me
There's so much
We could discover
Everything
About each other
And I hope
There'll come a day
When you decide
You want to know me
D

Truth

And that was the day that
I promised I would never
sing of love if it
does not exist.

Thoughts?

I think once I switch schools I'm going to go by Noel, my middle name, since there's ANOTHER! Tabitha there, too. Thoughts?
=D

Oh, To Have One Drama-Free Day...

4-14-2010

Yet another day has come to pass in which people confuse and disgust me. Why am I not surprised. First, some people need to learn to shut up. Second, people shouldn't necessarily trust what people tell them, ESPECIALLY their family... Because, families are PREJUDICED! ! ! ! ! Figure things out for your own self!....Can I not have even one drama-free day....?
Tabitha

What Has Been Happening Lately

Alright, finally all caught up. So, I'll talk about what's been happening lately. (I already explained some about what's happening earlier, so consider this a recap) The ACT was stressful. And I knew my grandfather was going to die. I wasn't surprised when my mom came and told me. Not at all. I barely shed a tear, no more than one, because i barely knew him. Sometimes I feel bad for not crying or being sad when my relatives die. I just don't know any of them really well.....Anyway, I am dying to go see The Last Song whenever it comes to the nearest theater. I can't wait to see my friends graduate in the two high school graduations I'm going to.....though I will probably cry. I wish I was going to church tomorrow, but my mom isn't feeling up to it. I think it's going to be weird to see my brother at his junior high graduation. It's getting much easier for me to talk to guys, thank goodness. Maybe the curse of being shy is ending. I was in Driver's Ed for 2 and a half weeks....then I got pulled from the class cause my dad didn't know Kelby was going to drive. That day was awesome though. Me, him, and Rheanna drove from the school to Sonic (Yum) and then I drove from Wal-Mart back to school! It was an awesome day. My school went to Columbia State Community College in Columbia, TN to compete in a bunch of different things. Six went for Spanish, three for Essay, and one for History. Only two won anything, and that was in the basic Spanish competition. Meagan placed second......AND I WON! My medal has first place on the back and everything. It'll probably be in the newspaper this Wednesday. =) I entered a poetry contest and didn't win. =( I let my English teacher at school read all four of my books and she said they were very good. =D I've now written 190 poems. And I just finished my 5th book on Thursday. It's called 'All Kinds Of Love'. And I've already begun a new one, titled, 'The Magic Jacket'. I cried on the way home on the bus on Friday. It was a terrible day. First, at lunch I found out someone likes the same guy as me, though she's so not good enough for him. If she actually thinks he won't see right through her, then she has got a shock coming. That same girl was one of the reasons I cried on the bus later that day. She and five other girls who I came home and told my mom I wanted to brutally murder. Basically, what happened was, they were making fun of someone, calling her names, like, 'Skank' and 'Vampire B'.(Because she's a twilight fan, but so are they. am i the only one who sees how retarded this is?) Anyway, they were so cruel, and the reason they claimed their comments as justified was that they didn't like the way she looked at them. THEY DIDN'T LIKE THE WAY SHE LOOKED AT THEM! How the heck are these girls (Two tenth graders, one ninth grader, two eighth graders, and one seventh grader), all but one younger than me, going to survive in the real world? And I'M the weird sheltered one who doesn't understand the way the world works?!?!? Seriously? So, within minutes, I moved from the back of the bus to the front, away from those evil girls. And I cried. I cried because I couldn't believe the cruelty, the immaturity. And because I felt the insults as if they were directed at me because I know and have known exactly how it feels for, say, my whole life! I do not understand how people like that can live with themselves. I know I couldn't. And I am in no way trying to imply that I think of myself as perfect. I just know what they did and what they do is wrong....and nothing will ever change that.
Tabitha

Loneliness

Written 4-1-2010 During 2nd block, English 2

Sometimes people surprise me. I start thinking after awhile that they're just like me, or rather that I'm just like them, but it's a day like this that I know they're not. I'm not. It makes me wonder....why? What are the differences, and how much of it is actual upbringing, and how much is just their own sad minds? I've cheated once before, I tried it a few weeks or so ago. It wasn't hard. I just don't like it. It made me feel bad. Which makes me wonder, am I am the only one in this class who has a conscience? One of two, maybe? I'm starting to think it's the same everywhere. Even if I go to a different high school next year I'm still going to be disgusted at least once every single day. I probably will be for every day for the rest of my entire life. This is the curse of Christianity.
Loneliness.
But it's worth it.
Tabitha!

Knowing It's Hopeless

Written 4-5-2010 @ 3:03p.m.

Thoughts colliding
In my head
I should be surprised
But I'm angry instead
I thought it was over
That I was done with this
But here I am wishing
On four-leaf clovers
All the while knowing it's hopeless.

Maybe Never

Written 4-2-2010 @ 6:50a.m.

My feet don't touch
The ground
As I spin
Around
My heart
Feels light
And I let it fly
Through the air like a kite
Then the wind
Slows down
And my heart is lost
Maybe never to be found

Live Through The Death

Written 4-1-2010 @ 6:39a.m.

If I stay here
Alone
I die

If I leave
All alone
I will die

If I carry on
With you
I will live
Through the death

Something In You

Written 3-29-2010 5:26p.m.

Complacency would be
A welcome feeling
In the midst
Of all of this despair
Just one look
And my heart is reeling
But doubts arise
Because after all
I've been there
So every night
I gaze upon my ceiling
And pray to God
For the impossible
To come true
Because in all honesty
I know what I'm feeling
And I see something I need in you

Begun

Written 3-29-2010 @ 2:54p.m.

How could you
Do this to me
In just a few days
Though we're so young
Somehow I know
This is a beginning
Something has begun
My only question is
Will we fall in love?

A Verrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrry Long Day

Today was a very long day. I got my internet back today, for starters. And I'm done with all the retarded online chatting sites. I took my first ACT today. I met someone who I have a feeling I'll be talking to again...soon. I made my decision about what school I'm going to this fall. And my maternal grandpa died today. He was in his early-mid nineties. Sad. =( But all is well, because now he's in heaven with his wife and God. Nearly a decade he's been waiting to see her again....and all his life to see God. Well, now it's time to catch up on blog entries. =)
Tabitha

You Think...

You think you know me
Right down to my core
But the truth is
You'd rather continue the war
You don't wanna know me
Because then things would change
You get high off this
And that fact is so deranged
You think you see my heart
That you know all my ways
But what You THINK is so far off...
You think this is all a game
3-12-2010... -rolls eyes-

What You Did To Me

March 11th, 2010 at 10:10 pm...

Like a robber you stole my heart
Then you ran up a thousand flights of stairs
It took you a while
But you made it there
Then I watched as you walked
To the edge of the roof and
You dropped my heart
Then I could barely stand
It took a while
For my heart to get that high up in the sky
But it took less than a minute
To hit the ground, roll around, and die...

The Key To My Heart

3-11-2010
Who will I give
The key to my heart
Or will I never
Give it away?
Yeah it's a sad way to live
To be kept locked inside
When all you can do
Is wonder when...and who
My heart is a garden
I'm crying inside
Because there's no one there
Knocking from outside
I wonder will I be
Alone forever?
A few times I've almost
Let someone inside
I used to think I had
But now I've changed my mind
Because had I done that
I would be sad all my life
I hope someone comes soon
Though I am young
For all I wish to be
Is in love
Are you out there?
I have something to give you...
If you want it
The Key To My Heart

=)

If you were wondering why a lot of the stuff on my blog has disappeared...well, it's a long story. And if you were my friend you'd know exactly why. But since most likely I don't know you (and if I did you'd be asking me why the disappearances instead of reading on my blog about it), I will give you the super-short version. SOMEONE....lied to me completely and so that person no longer exists...anywhere. The pictures and emails and screen-shots, are deleted. The drawings, writings, have been torn to pieces.(And that was fun =D)And finally the poems written, will not be shared again, kept, but not shared, and not thrown away, because I don't throw out my poetry. It's something you can look back on and learn from, and right now is a prime example of that..=) But I'm better now..even though I just found out today, the 'Sinking Feeling' is gone. And I've realized everything I was basing MY WHOLE LIFE! on crap. Crap, crap, crap. Just a bunch of retarded nothingness. And I'm not gonna lie and say I'm over it completely (Cause unlike some people, I don't lie), because it just happened today, so I'm not. But I can already tell I won't be hurting for long. And I'm so grateful I found out everything now...and not when it could have ruined MY ENTIRE LIFE!!!!! Yeah...so, I'm gonna go be a real person now. =) Cause really, the online world, is for people who are afraid of living their real lives...and I'm not afraid anymore...=D

Conclusion Of Volume Two

Ant that poem, This Year, concludes Volume Two. I will continue to post and begin to write Volume Three whenever the heck I feel like it. =)
<3333 TaBiThA

This Year - My 180th Poem

Written 3-4-2010

This year I'm discovering
What love is
This year I'm uncovering
Who I am
This year I'm forgetting
Who I used to be
This year I'm changing
Everything =D

It's GERMPACK!!! By Kelby and Ela

Here's The Second Painting =D

I love this painting; if you can't read what it says, its The Most Important Thing Is Love! <3 TaBiThA

My First Painting From Art Class =)

This is my first painting that I did...I hate it!!! =)

Relief =)

Written 3-3-2010

When my heart
Has been unloaded
And my burdens
Have been lifted
A magical feeling
Fills my soul
Relief =)

Sinking Feeling

Written 3-1-2010

I have a sinking feeling
About today
Rising up inside me
To haunt my day
Without a clue
Of what it means
What can I do?
Nothing it seems
Something may happen
Or it may not
I'll just stay on my guard
Until it stops

Alice Music Video-Avril Lavigne

I love this music video SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!
<3 TaBiThA

Taylor Swift Song Quiz

My Result:
You are Love Story
You are Juliet waiting to find your Romeo (or maybe you have already found him), but luckily, your love story doesn't end in suicide! Like the song "Love Story," you are a classic romantic, and a dreamer. You believe in true love and soul mates, and know that there is someone special out there who is made just for you. You believe that love conquers all, and can overcome anything, so enjoy your happily ever after!

Taylor Swift Song Quiz from CuriosityLounge.com!
Quizzes :: Free Taylor Swift Tickets
Career Assessment :: American Idol Tickets

Things On My Mind

I have a question on my mind today, following me around. Why do we hurt the ones we care about the most? I don't mean, like, on purpose, but simply by living our lives. I wish I knew, and I wish once again that I was a better person. I wish once again that I could go back to when I was two years old, and change how I was. The only reason that age comes to mind is because my mom says that's when I turned evil. Or something like that. I don't look back on my childhood and think, 'Boy, those were the good old days' and smile. I wish I could re-do the whole thing. I wish I could take back all those times when I told my parents I hated them. I wish I'd grown up to be someone else, because, honestly, I don't like who I am right now. I feel myself slowly slipping away, and it makes me feel terrible. Sometimes I want to just give up and forget trying to keep up with my relationships. But all the while I know I can't. That would only haunt me for the rest of my numbered days. I wish I could talk to my dad, like the way I do to my mom. I wish he could accept that I'm not a little kid anymore. I wish my grandparents wouldn't try to control me, because it will never work. I wish I wasn't in this place in my life, I'm so stressed out because I have a choice to make. My whole life I've been in the middle. Not a tomboy, but not a girly-girl. Not outgoing, but yet not shy. A rebel, but a goody-goody. No one sees the rebel me. I don't show that part of me to anyone but my parents, and I shouldn't enjoy being rebellious, but I have to admit I do. I like the idea of independence. That's all I want. I want to leave, and go someplace where I can meet someone who I will be in love with forever. That is the root of every dream in my head. Finding love. I want it to be everything I've dreamed of, and I write about what I can only wish would happen to me. I could never be that lucky. Sometimes I wonder if I've already met him, but just don't know it yet, and sometimes I wonder if he's really even out there, because who in their right mind could love me? Me?!? It just doesn't seem possible. At this point in my life, I don't think I've ever been in love. And I just wish I knew what it really feels like, and what it all would be like. I've never even been kissed. Most people think that's really sad. I happen to be one of them. I know how pathetic my life is, how awful it can be. I feel as though I'm in prison at the moment. I'm locked away like a princess in a fairy tale, waiting for her prince to come. Waiting for him to find her, waiting to know love, to the fullest extent. And, honestly, sometimes I wish I had the guts to end it all. Normally I would be too ashamed to admit that sad fact. I can't count how many times I've prayed, and prayed really hard, that God would take me away from here because I couldn't take it anymore. Couldn't take the loneliness, the knowledge that I'm not really wanted around.
Well, I guess I feel a little better now, but I just wish I could change my life. I never thought I would say it, but I wish I was anything but sixteen right now. And I find that wish very depressing.

<3 TaBiThA

Reflection

So many people in my world think I'm a good person, and most of the time I wonder what they would think of me if they really knew. Knew what I can be like when no one is watching. I am a self-centered person and I forget easily that things are mostly not about me. I'm basically screwed up, because half the time I just don't know what to say. And if I did say something, it would be taken the wrong way. It nearly always is. Most people would see me, the outside me, and maybe they would immediately guess what my life has been like. They automatically think I have a heck of a lot of support from my parents, which I do not. That is the reason I am moving far, far away from them. Can no one see that? I've learned one thing from people. Sometimes most people just see what they want to see. They block out anything that could change their view on their lives. Everyone has a built-in way they perceive the world. Mine is far different from everyone else's and therefore, I do not act the same way. Sometimes, a lot of times, I wish someone, anyone, would care enough to really want to know me. Sadly I feel as if they never do.

Alone

Written 2-14-2010

I am alone
Everywhere I go
Hopelessly alone
Always have been
Always will be
Alone

I Think I'm Becoming BIPOLAR!!!

Yesterday i was so incredibly happy I about freakin cried! And now today I'm real sad. =( What the heck is up with that???
TaBiThA<3

Or I'll Be Left With Nothing

Written 1-30-2010

Sometimes I wonder
If I'll ever find love
I know that some people love me
But it's never enough
All I know is my hurting
My rejection and pain
To me it's my downfall
But it's everyone else's gain
I keep trying to find it
Trying ruins everything
I have to just let it happen
Or I'll be left with nothing

In Wonder

Written 12-14-2009

In wonder of Your creation
Of every morning light
And everything I see
So thankful for my sight

In wonder of Your world
Of every child, boy and girl
Made perfectly to worship You
In every single thing You do

In wonder of You
And everything You made
Everything You do
And everything You said

This Won't Be The Last Time

Written 12-13-2009

I can't even remember the last time
I talked to you
But I know you're listening
As I cry to you

My heart's been broken
I must confess
And my life remains
As one big mess

I can't even remember
The last time
I sat here and told you
About my life

So I promise you
I won't repeat what I regret
And this won't be the last time
I pray to you from my bed

This Girl

Written 12-11-2009

This girl can write
This girl can dream
This girl was someone
Who nobody could see

This girl has light
Shining through her
She's quite a sight
But no one knew her

This girl will be
Someone everyone will love
This girl is a daughter
Of the King above

The Girl You Need

Written 12-5-2009

You don't know what you want
You don't know what you need
I'm waiting for you
To figure out it's me

You stand by yourself
And other times with her
When you will figure out
I wanna be your girl

You're smarter than you know
Smarter than she sees
I'm just waiting to show
You I'm the girl you need

Everything I Feel

Written 11-20-2009

You gave yourself away
In the blink of an eye
You never could wait
And now you cry

I should have told you
But I was afraid
I knew I would lose
There was no other way

I tried hard to show you
What I know is real
But you said you see right through
Everything I feel

Long-Lost Hearts

I want to color the world
I want to brighten the sky
I want to be someone else
To see what it feels like

I want to see why they live
The way that they do
I wonder if they realize
That I see right through

They never see me
As I quietly watch
They don't see as I cry
For their long-lost hearts

No One Will Change Me

Written 11-17-2009

I'm sixteen now
It's my birthday today
Can't believe it's been ten years
Since I learned to pray

So much has changed
Yet so much the same
A different life I've led
There's more to me than is ever said

That's how it is
How it always will be
Doesn't matter who they are
No one will change me

Why Don't They See

Written 11-11-2009

All of those girls
Who take all my guys
Most are born cheerleaders
Why am I not surprised

All of those guys
The ones that I like
Never go for me
Why don't they realize

My angry soul
Must be why they leave
My burning hole
Why don't they see

Brokenhearted

Written 11-6-2009

It hurts so much to be alone
And I know it more than most
People come and people go
And I hate it when I hurt
Won't be long before I'm home
Sit alone and start to cry
Knock on the door I turn to stone
Screamin out, what do you want and why
Why am I crying, I just got owned
What do you want from me
Just for once, leave me alone
I'm brokenhearted can't you see

In Here

Written 11-6-2009

I'm alone in here
Wish I had someone
Wish I didn't have to fear
For my heart when I come

I'm so bored in here
With my pen in my hand
And all I wanna feel
No one seems to understand

I can't wait to leave
Though I have far to go
I'm all alone in here
But I still have a few hopes

Save It For Another Day

Written 11-5-2009

You can't tell me
What to do
You can't give me
That attitude

You think you know me
Well you're wrong
If you want sympathy
Go write a song

I don't care about
What you have to say
So don't hang around
Save it for another day

Beautiful

Written 11-2-2009

Beautiful sun
Lit up my path
As I travel on

Beautiful soul
Who showed me the way
To become whole

Beautiful world
Should I not think so?
Or haven't you heard?

My Innocence

Written 10-30-2009

Where did my innocence go?
I'm asking everybody
But nobody knows
I think I lost it
When you broke my heart again
Or maybe when I started
Thinking I had friends
Truth is they don't care
They use me and I cry
I really hope You're listening
When I bow down and ask why

Wishing You'd Come And Find Me

Written 10-30-2009

So maybe I changed my mind
Or maybe I'm out of it
I know true love is hard to find
But it's on my bucket list

Why do I always find 'the one'
And he never likes me--
I'm beginning to come undone
And I'm never happy

I'm losing all my hope
Can't find a point to anything
Sending up a message in smoke
Wishing you'd come and find me

You're Out Of The Picture

Written 10-27-2009

I guess you never felt
The way that I do
I was seeing all the signs
From my point of view
But I was wrong
Now left to fix myself again
All alone
So much that day could have been
Now I find
Someone new comes into focus
Always on my mind
And you're out of the picture

Tonight

Written 10-26-2009

Everyone's leaving me
I'm left here alone
It's getting hard to see
A fragment of hope

I know that it's out there
Somewhere hidden away
The person that will care
For me eternally

Giving up looks okay
Giving up sounds alright
But even though I cry everyday
I won't give up tonight!

I've Got Nowhere To Go

Written 10-22-2009

He has got his perfect girl
And I am left out
Of his world
Now I don't know
What to do or say
And I guess it
Doesn't matter anyway
And I am left here all alone
I'm afraid and I've
Got nowhere to go

With Me Now And Forever...

Written 10-19-2009

I hate being with someone
Who I don't really like
I wanna be with the one
Who makes my heart rate spike
I want him to be with me
During every waking hour
I just want him to be
With me now and forever...
<3

You're Not Just A Girl

Written 10-19-2009

When the world comes down
Crashing at your feet
Don't sit around
Or come crying to me

Don't sleep all day
Or cry all night
Listen to what I say
Don't put up a fight

Do all you can
To change your world
This is your chance
You're not just a girl!

This Is Our World

I absolutely love this poem, it reveals everything I want. I wrote it 10-14-2009.

I'm the girl
You never knew
You were lookin for
Converse shoes
Nothing to lose
Yeah I'm that girl

And you're the guy
Caught my eye
What a world
Close your eyes
Say goodbye
This is what we hoped for

Me and you, you and I
What a perfect world
Say goodbye, close your eyes
This is our world

I'll Have My Happy Ending

I wrote this 10-13-2009 for my friends Lisa and Max, because me and Lisa had just lost the guys we loved ever so much. Sad, I know. I wrote this to show her there IS hope.
<3 you Lisa.

There's always a second chance
A new beginning
A hope to find someone
For love never-ending
Though we may not see it now
There's always a new day
Though he left and now is gone
It's never too late
So I'll ever give up hope
On a new beginning
I'll trust that I'll find someone
I'll have my happy ending

I Wanna Believe I'll Find Someone

Written 10-12-2009

I don't wanna grow up
I don't wanna get old
I don't wanna know

I don't wanna be strong
Don't wanna move on
But I have to

I don't wanna give up
I JUST WANNA BELIEVE
That I'll find someone

Everything

Written 10-7-2009

Everything about this place
Reminds me of your perfect face
Everything about my home
Makes me think of you alone

Everything about my life
Now just makes me cry
Everything inside my heart
Screams from being ripped apart

And the voice that is my soul
Wonders if I'll ever be whole
Everything within my life
Waits for when my tears are dry

Your Beautiful Eyes

I can't believe I still can't get over his eyes... written 10-4-2009...

I wanna stop
You beautiful eyes
From watching me

I wish you'd think
Bout how your beautiful eyes
Make me not breathe

And you'll never see
What your beautiful eyes
What they did to me

Love Is Hope

I wrote this October first 2009. This is like the true expression of everything I am, and everything I wanna be. This is me.

Love is hope
To move on
To hold on
When I'm wrong
Love is what
What I believe
Keeps me strong
Helps me carry on
Love is faith
In the one
Who cares about you most
Even when you're wrong
Love is when
Someone dies
For who they love
No greater love is spoken of
Love is waiting
For the one
Your truest love
When love is hope

Worse Than Him

Written 9-30-2009 I wrote this poem about a girl who used to be like my best friend, and I trusted her to keep a secret, but she instead went and told the last person on earth I would want to know anything secret about me. But I still love you, girl, cause you're still like my sister.

Today I realized
You are different from me
Not from outward appearances
More like our priorities

You think life is a party
I thought you were my best friend
What I did now wasn't so smart I
Just didn't want the friendship to end

Now I realize that
You aren't who I thought
I've removed my welcome mad
Know that this is worse than him
And it hurts a lot

My Last Goodbye

Written 9-29-2009

You don't know what you did
You don't see what you are
Now I'm not the only one
Who sees through your heart

You are so easy-going
And you don't care how I feel
Now I have trouble knowing
It's gonna take a while for me to heal

Though I know I don't want you
I hope you know I don't hate
You but with all this you made me go through
I don't ever again wanna see your face

And if you need clarification
This my poem is my last goodbye